The Only Mystery Behind Mystery Oreos Is Who The Fuck Thought They Were Ok To Sell

 

     I know I rip on Oreo a lot. Apple Oreos and Thin Oreos are a slap in the face to all hard working snackers. But this Mystery Oreo shit is just that- shit.

Tacoria Nutella Nachos

     I went to a friend’s house for the VA Tech – Clemson game a while back. Naturally we had to order food so after burgers we went to the taco place in Montclair. Daddy completely broke character when someone requested Nutella nachos as a last minute addition to the order, which was good news for me since I get to blog about them.
     This whole ordeal was treading new ground for me so I’m going to break it down into pros and cons.

What Do I Have In Common With That Rash You Told Your Girlfriend Not To Worry About? We’re Both Back!

     And just like that rash, this blog is going to get uncomfortable.
     Recently I was at the office and felt nature calling. Unfortunately at this same time, the cleaning guy was just setting up shop in the men’s bathroom. I don’t know if you’ve ever been a snack blogger that’s prairie dogging, but this is no bueno. No bueno at all.
     I decide to use the second floor bathroom. I get there and I’m immediately aware that I have been played like a chump on the third floor. This bathroom has nicer tiling. There’s better lighting. No one misses the seat. Are there downsides here? Yes- the toilet wasn’t automatic, so I had to use my foot on the lever like some sort of commoner. But the biggest shocker here was the sink.

     On floor number three, we have the automatic sink that stays on for a predetermined amount of time. Sadly for our environment, this amount of time is about 8 seconds longer than anyone washes their hands for. But on floor number two, they have the manual faucet, as photographed below.

     Apparently on this strange new world manual faucets don’t need to work. What a time to be alive! Who’s the dipshit that didn’t look at the sink before putting the soap dispenser in? Two things- 1, go back to 11th grade physics and tell me if two solid objects can occupy the same space at the same time. Breaking news, they can’t. I hope someone had the same answer when you asked if you can have a promotion to chief sink installer. And 2, no one uses soap. Just don’t waste my time with that thing. I only use the sink if there’s someone in the bathroom with me, and even then I probably skip it unless they’re a VP.
     In conclusion, I think I might give the second floor bathroom a test run to see if I should make it my new home away from home. I shall report back on this in the future.

The Clerk At ShopRite Ruined My Ankle's 4th Birthday

     First off, thank you to everyone who wished my ankle a happy birthday.  It really means a lot to us.  Also to Dr. Vasquez who put all the ankle Legos back together.

Did You Miss Me?

     After a nearly month-long hiatus, I'm back and ready to celebrate my birthday 2 days late.  Click play on the music and let's go!

The Most Beautiful Macaroon You've Ever Seen

     Look at this macaroon.  Isn't it the most beautiful macaroon you've ever seen, folks?  I'm really enjoying it.

     I'm sure many of you are aware that Jews can't have anything leavened on Arbor Day.  Passover?  Yes, on Passover.  Leavened means didn't rise.  When the Jews fled Egypt- the Pharaoh treated them so horribly, folks.  You wouldn't believe how bad it was, believe me.  When the Jews fled Egypt they didn't have time to let the bread rise.  So now we have matzo.  And macaroons, which are just beautiful.

     But, folks, this is one tremendous macaroon.  The biggest, most beautiful macaroon.  And I went to Costco so I can buy them bigly.  Really, just a huge package.  It fits perfectly in my huge hands.

     Score?  Can phenomenal out of 10 be a score?  Beautiful.  Just like my daughter.  I hope she grows tits like her mother.  Huge.

My Laptop Went The Way Of RG3's Career But I'm Back With A New Oreo Blog!

     So I recently needed to get a new laptop which stopped me from blogging for a few weeks.  I'm back now and just in time- there's a new Oreo product on the shelves!