Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Ted Cruz Drops Out Of The Race, Ends My Chances Of Heckling Him- My Magnum Opus


Haha, it's funny because I hate him!
     Rafael picked a very interesting time to drop out.  Just last week he was mathematically eliminated from the race.  This clearly hasn't stopped Kasich, who over a month ago needed 130% of the available delegates to win (that's a statistic impossibility for those of you bad at math).  But Kasich didn't counter facts by announcing his VP pick.
     And why did Cruz pick Fiorina?
(via Barstool)

     Convenient that after paying Fiorina half a million in hush money (I assume) and Cruz's hooker scandal, Cruz is associating himself with her.  Fiorina must have some dirt on Cruz.  That's the only possible reason.  She wanted to get back in the race and gain more exposure.  But why drop out right after adding her to the ticket?
     Well the thing I can think of is that Drumpf has a sex tape of Cruz and Fiorina.  Drumpf previously threatened to "spill the beans" on Mrs. Cruz.  After recent events this leads me to suspect that Mrs. Cruz is aware of the sex tape, possibly walking in on them during or even filming it herself.  Drumpf used his literal billions and billions (if we're counting in rubles) to get his hands on the tape and compare notes.  Cruz found out Drumpf had it and made a deal to give up if he got the sex tape back.
(90% chance this exact still was seen in the sex tape)

     What does this mean for the race though?  I don't give a fuck, I'm not here to talk about the race.  I'm here to talk about my blind hatred of Rafael Eduardo Cruz.  The same Cruz who said he didn't like how rock music responded to 9/11, despite one rock concert alone raising over $35M for first responders, victims, and their families.  The same Cruz who repeatedly voted against providing federal health care for first responders.  The same Cruz whose daughters even can't stand him.  The same Cruz who said he doesn't like "New York values" (whoops, did that offend people who might vote for me?  Alright then only the liberals can go fuck themselves).  Fuck this guy.
     
     Let's not overlook what a religious nutjob this guy is.  Obama's gonna take away our Second Amendment, but not without me taking away the First Amendment!  Anyone reading this who is like me and not a diehard zealot should be terrified there are actually people like this in the country.  Glad it's over for the next four years.
     But most importantly how does Cruz dropping out affect me?  Thank you for asking!  Negatively.  Well probably mostly positive.  My blood pressure won't have sudden jumps anymore.  But I won't get to heckle him during the New Jersey primaries, assuming they even happen now.
     I could have tried to shake his hand and pulled back last second but that one was taken.
     I could have brought up the list of things earlier about why he doesn't care about first responders.  I could have asked him his thoughts on being the Zodiac Killer.  How much did he pay for his hookers?  What's it like growing up with a melty face?  Maybe what his obsession with spanking is?  We'll never know.  Unless he pulls a Chris Christie and hops on the Drumpf wagon and they come to town.

PS- Fuck Ted Cruz

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)