The Clerk At ShopRite Ruined My Ankle's 4th Birthday

     First off, thank you to everyone who wished my ankle a happy birthday.  It really means a lot to us.  Also to Dr. Vasquez who put all the ankle Legos back together.
     What do you get your ankle on his birthday?  Well when you're a snack blogger you get whatever the hell you want.  Did you know there's a new Oreo on the market?  There's actually several.  Oreo has been on a bender lately, naturally after I went on hiatus for health reasons (you do this shit for 2.5 years and see how you feel).
      I stopped at ShopRite after the gym the other day (back day, totally blasted my lats) and found Coconut Oreos.  Not just Oreos though- Oreo Thins, which are a bigger scam than seatbelts and faith in humanity.  They're also like $3 for half the volume of cookie.
     Anyways I get to the checkout lane.  The clerk rings me up and stops when she gets to the Oreos.  She just looked at them for like 10 seconds.

     "Coconut Cream Oreos?" she says incredulously.
     "Yes!" I reply.  "I didn't know they were a thing until today."
     She then explains to me that Coconut Cream Oreos (not even the right fucking name) were her idea and she submitted them in the contest a few weeks ago.  She then proceeds to scroll through her phone, looking for the text to Oreo, to prove it to me.  It took her longer to find the text than to ring me up, since I had 4 goddamn items in my basket.  She even pointed out the date of the text- July 14.  You mean to tell me that in less than 3 weeks, Oreo saw your text, took it to a board meeting, agreed upon it, sent it into pre-production, tested it, analyzed the data, sent it into regular production, then distributed it across the nation?  No wonder you're 35 and work the midnight shift on a cash register.  "They stole my idea to put coconut and chocolate together!  Where's my money!"
     Well thanks for ruining my ankle's birthday!  I just wanted to sit alone in my mom's basement and eat cookies like any other 27 year old.  Now I gotta hate-write this blog.  And I haven't even gotten to the cookies themselves yet.
     Review of the cookies: Fuck Oreo Thins.  That being said, I would definitely buy the regular size Coconut Oreos to give them a proper review.  There's just not enough cookie in an Oreo Thin.  But if I had to grade them, I'd say 7/10.