The Only Mystery Behind Mystery Oreos Is Who The Fuck Thought They Were Ok To Sell

 

     I know I rip on Oreo a lot. Apple Oreos and Thin Oreos are a slap in the face to all hard working snackers. But this Mystery Oreo shit is just that- shit.

     First off, what kind of flavor is a mystery? Did you think no one would be able to recognize it? That our taste buds would get confused by the lack of identification? Oh goddammit, I thought they were bacon flavored but the box doesn’t say bacon s o now I can’t tell if it might be lemon!
     If you didn’t buy the Oreos, A) you’re lucky and 2) it’s fucking bubblegum, and it’s disgusting.
     I’m an Oreo blogger. I can down a family size box of mint or chocolate Oreos if I have an hour to kill. But these Mystery Oreos, these affronts on humanity, have done the impossible.

     I threw them out.
     That’s right. I fucking threw the package in the trash. They taste like putting Pepto Bismol on an Oreo and coloring it white so you think it’s a regular Oreo. I bet you the fucking asshole who decided on that also hands out floss and pennies on Halloween. You should save those pennies for towels when I egg your goddamn house!
     The phrase ‘go fuck yourself’ gets thrown around a lot. Usually by me when I look at my stocks. Oreo, you can go fuck yourself. Of the last 10 limited editions flavors I’ve tried, I think 2 were worthwhile. Babies have better batting averages when it comes to not shitting themselves in public. I give Mystery Oreos 0/10, and I don’t do that lightly.