Ted Cruz Has Decided It's Been Too Long Since I Blogged About Ted Cruz

The Hill- "The Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson and Republicans are happily the party of Homer, Bart, Maggie and Marge," Cruz said, referring to the other Simpson family members on the long-running cartoon show "The Simpsons."

     As you may have heard, Billy Graham finally kicked the bucket a few days back.  Graham thinks used to think that Jews control the media... including porn.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good whackin' off in the tool shed, but take a chill pill dude.
     What does this have to do with Ted Cruz?  Exhibit A-

You're goddamn right I spent an extra 30 seconds searching for a picture with the unedited canoodling.  That's called journalistic integrity.  Ted likes it that way, and that's how I'll blog it.
     My original plan was to make this into a list about which political party the Simpsons actually.  I got as far as writing "I fucking hate Ted Cruz" and then lost focus on that so now we're here.
     Where do I start?  Lisa is voted in as President after... Donald Trump.  I guess that means we're getting a woman next?  I don't think this is what The Simpsons had in mind-

Gross.  You think she roleplays by taking away civil liberties?  I'm more of a schoolgirl fan but to each their own.
     Al Jean, showrunner for The Simpsons chimed in-

.@TheSimpsons Ted Cruz says Maggie Simpson would vote for him.
I think Ted's the one who could use a pacifier in his mouth.

— Al Jean (@AlJean) February 22, 2018

SHEESH.  Pretty sure he just told you to suck it (a dick), Ted.

     You could also pull up this image of the Springfield Republican Party-

Dracula's a Republican and he's got better skin that Ted so there's that, I guess.  

     I could go on but everyone and their grandmother (except for Billy Graham's grandkids) know how stupid that comparison is.  And since I'm such a nice guy, I'm not going to include the video of Ted doing character impersonations.  No amount of Dial For Men Full Force body wash* is going to wash that unclean off.

* The store was out of my regular body wash so I bought this one instead.  I'm really enjoying it so far.  Much more refreshing scent after getting all sweaty from killing it at the gym.

PS- I hope Ted Cruz gets dick cancer.  That's not a euphemism.  If I had the Dragon Balls there would be a tumor on his wiry shaft.  I swore to myself that I would stop blogging about Cruz now that election is over but here I fucking am!