Birthday Cake

     Today's my birthday!*  Last weekend was a joint shindig for a few friends who have neighboring birthdays.  What shindig is complete without a proper birthday cake?

     WHOA.  Is that a fucking dinosaur on the cake?  You're goddamn right it is!  It's a dinosaur cake!  What'd you get on your birthday cake?  "Happy Birthday Peon?"  Figures.

     Dinosaurs are the fucking best.  When I was a kid I knew everything about dinosaurs (that was feasibly expected of a 7 year old).  Here's a little known secret about me, before I chose the blogger life I wanted to be a dinosaur wrangler.  Like a cowboy but with 30 ft. lizards.  Basically the most badass thing ever.  I decided to present you with a list of the 5 most awesome dinosaurs ever (in no particular order):

1) Utahraptor

     The velociraptor gets a lot of press for being a fucking murder machine.  Well the Utahraptor is like a velociraptor on steroids.  Their claws were thought to reach 9.4in, which is like being raked by a kitchen knife.

2) Spike from The Land Before Time

     Growing up TLBT (The Land Before Time, figure it out) was the best.  Everyone loves cheesy cartoons and everyone loves dinosaurs.  It's a win-win.  You know the best character was?  Spike, because he shares a similar view of food as I do.  He's the most relatable character.

3) Pterodactyl

     Anybody remember Jurassic Park?  This thing was death from above.  One day you're a little bug rodent dinosaur chilling with some leaves then BAM! you're 50 feet in the air being torn to shreds.  Totally badass.

4) Ankylosaurs

     Ankylosaurs had a goddamn club tail.  Not a club foot, a club tail.  Instead of being a hinderance it was a weapon with which to smash in foe's ugly mugs.  Forget to pay your dinosaur loans?  Hey man, we'll let the money go this time.  But ankylosaurs is going to break all 4 of your kneecaps.

5) Tyrannosaurs Dinozord

     The most motherfucking coolest dinosaur ever.  Oh but what about the Green Ranger's Dragonzord?  Tommy was a goddamn weakling who was enthralled by Rita, got between Jason and Kim, and also he couldn't join the Megazord.  All that adds up to one Red Ranger taking the (dinosaur) cake.  Go go Power Rangers! *guitar solo*

     Oh and the cake gets a 9/10.  It was delicious and had a dinosaur on it, but my name kinda looks like Amber.


* Hey man happy birthday. Thanks guy, I appreciate that.  Also thanks for wishing me good luck against Village Lions today, doubt they'll be as nice as North Penn and offer us cookies and brownies.