Jose Canseco Is Hosting A Baseball Camp And I'm Probably Not Invited

It started out with a simple enough line of tweets:

I'm sure as you all know, I'm a big Jose Canseco fan (baseball not so much)

He stopped just long enough to take the picture with me.  He did NOT like me.  Sorry for annoying you with my friendship!

Anyway I emailed him about joining the camp.  Got a few basic questions answered.
Editor's note: For some reason the emails I copied into this were way too small to read, and I couldn't enlarge them without the text getting distorted.  Emails were edited to cut down the random line breaks added in.

 Hey Jose, 
  How much does it cost to attend the camp?  What's going on with food/ board and all that?   
 
  Thanks, 
  Andrew 

From: <cansecocamp33@yahoo.com>

 To: Hebrew Hammer
 Sent: Sat, Jun 6, 2015 11:21 am
 Subject: Re: Baseball camp

 Must be within the first Ten to sign up. camp info: Camp will be held in Las Vegas, NV. Players must be 18 or over, if younger must be accompanied by parent. 
 
 The camp cost will be $5,000 which includes housing (Canseco Residence) , food, transportation, small group instruction, the art of power hitting with Jose Canseco. You will know what its like to train at the big league level and know the secrets behind power hitting. Airfare is not included if you are not local.  
 
 Camp will be held first week of August.  Payments will be made via Paypal for your security(cansecocamp33@yahoo.com).
 If truly interested I will direct you on how to do so. Upon paying we will have your info and Jose Canseco will contact you personally to let you know you have been selected.  
 
 Thank you, 
 
  Assistant/ hitting Instructor

Alright standard cookie cutter answer.  My main question is why does a retired major leaguer still need a hitting instructor?  How does Jose pay this guy?  I decided to move along.

Subject: Re: Baseball camp
 To: cansecocamp33@yahoo.com
 Date: Monday, June 8, 2015, 1:12 PM
 
  Does food include protein shakes and multivitamins and all that?  I'm really interested to see which 'supplements' Jose takes.

Yes.

Alright that didn't help.  Didn't even sign the email.  But that brings up an interesting article about Jose and steroids.
Via ESPN:
The relationship between Jose Canseco and steroids has soured. All these years later, Canseco says he regrets his hearty appetite for performance enhancers, linking them to his premature exit from the game, to his employment and financial woes, to his current sterility. 
Whoops!  Guess he didn't read the side effects on the label.  "Warning: Maybe cause your balls to shrink along with your 401(k)."

I have an identical twin brother, Ozzie. He is the closest thing to me genetically.
DOCTOR CANSECO COMING IN HOT!

"When I went cold turkey [with steroids] my testosterone levels dropped to the ground, because my own system doesn't produce testosterone anymore," Canseco explains. "Obviously what that causes is sterility. I don't produce my own testosterone. So what they have me on now is testosterone therapy. They give me certain injections at certain times to level off my testosterone so that I have average testosterone levels."
Maybe he can hit up Fry to learn some tricks about producing your own healthcare products?

I sent another email asking about petting zoo procedure with all of Jose's pets but didn't get an answer.  Don't go waving your assortment of animals in my face if I can't play with them.

What's the lesson we learned here?  Don't take steroids and you won't have to let asshole bloggers into your home to have your assistant show them how to swing a bat.  Also if I give you $30 for a fucking autograph you can at least fake a smile!  Dude nearly roid raged out on me after he took my money.

PS- Sure you don't want to rephrase that one buddy?

And she likes water sports 💦 @ModelLeila pic.twitter.com/I87nBNvw6J

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 16, 2015