Marinela Gansito

     STAY AWAY!  As a food blogger* I feel obligated to warn you these things are the snack food equivalent of bug zapper.  Sure it's fun to look at but you won't like the part after the pretty.

Marinela Choco Roles Pina

     First off, I've never heard of Marinela before.  The package said it's a product of Mexico, which is a good start.  My favorite bending robot is from Mexico.  A little Wikipedia search of Marinela comes up with nada.  Google provided me with better results.  A lot of their snack cakes look like blatant Hostess ripoffs but the cookies look pretty promising so I shall be keeping an eye open for more of these bad boys. And if you followed the Hostess bankruptcy like I did, you know (like I did after Googling it 30 seconds ago) that Marinela is now the company behind the beloved Twinkie. Also Marinela has 1.7M likes on Facebook.  Baffling that they escaped my knowledge for so long.
     Now about the Choco Roles.  I'm pretty bothered by the 'Roles.'  It should be 'Rolls.'  Does the choco perform as a character in some sort of medium?  Does the choco provide moral leadership and guidance?  No it fucking doesn't.  It's a round object that ROLLS when you put it on an incline.  (Or on your stomach while you're laying on your couch but that's neither here nor there.)  Bad grammar is going to cost you points Marinela!
     The snack itself wasn't bad.  It just doesn't separate itself enough from other chocolaty cake snacks.  The creme was pretty lackluster.  The chocolate tasted pretty good, but not great.  And the pineapple (that's the pina part, maybe read a book sometime guys) was more of a filler than the focus, but still a nice deviation from the norm.  It was a worthy experience but not enough to draw me back.  So it gets 5/10 after the grammar issue.

Kentucky Man Likes Thin Mints, Little Kids

     I'm glad I don't have to buy my cookies through a third party off Craigslist.  Nothing says 'upstanding citizen' like tweaking out for some Tagalongs after getting slapped with a restraining order for every child ever.

Crispy M&Ms

Welcome back old friend!  These guys got discontinued for a while and let me tell you, things were tense in the Hebrew Hammer household.  But now they're back and all is right in the world!

What's The Hebrew Hammer Giving Up For Lent?

Nothing, what the fuck did you expect?  Part of being the Hebrew Hammer means not having to give anything up for Lent.  That being said, I'm giving this thing up for life:

The Common Oreo: An Investigative Report

If you recall in my blog about Red Velvet Oreos, I noted that I don't think there's really much of a difference between the different style of cookies.  I decided to conduct a blind taste test of different cookies with myself and 7 test subjects.  (Also I worked really hard on this blog so everyone better like it)

Happy Valentine's Day To Me!

Happy Valentine's Day to me!  I know I'll be spending it with those most important to me.  And later tonight, whiskey mixed with Nyquil!

Red Velvet Oreos

Here's What I'm Going To Do When I Win The Lottery

1) This is all mine.

2) Open up Milkshakers (finally!)

3) Yup.

White Fudge Covered Oreos

I was kinda skeptical about these.  Nabisco producing fudge?  Sounds fishy.  More on that later.

Eight Of My Coworkers Are Jerks

I walk into the office kitchen today and lo and behold! A box of donuts! In my joy I peek in the little plastic window and see the goddamn thing is empty. Happy Friday to me right? (If you say this to your coworkers then go to hell.)  First off this was at like 9:30am so people must have flocked here like moths to a flame. Second off what kind of asshole kills a package and doesn't throw it away? Thirdly I compiled a list of my main suspects. All these pictures are off Google using key words I thought described each person.*  I managed to get one picture of a coworker but she got really mad and threatened to get me written up.  Alright lady relax, they're only donuts.

Chips Ahoy Brownie Filled

Eating this cookie was almost as exciting as the last time I checked my email.  Just total, nonstop entertainment.  You know when you check your emails, maybe hoping to hear from that girl at the bus stop you have a crush on even though she doesn't have your email and you only look at her when you can make sure she has no chance of catching you watching her because you're standing half behind the bus shelter?  No one?  Alright bad analogy.  Where was I?  Right, like checking your email and expecting something besides spam but instead you just get more spam.  This was technically a cookie, and it was technically 'brownie' filled, but that's all it's got going for it.  Although they lasted about 24 hours, it was only because I got blitzed off Bud Light cans (like the classy person I am) and had the munchies.  3/10.

PS- Brunette from the bus stop, I'll see you at 6:52am tomorrow.

SEAHAWK'S TEARS!!!!

THEY TASTE SO GOOD! TEN OUT OF FUCKING TEN!

MAKE THAT FOUR MOTHERFUCKER!