Eight Of My Coworkers Are Jerks

I walk into the office kitchen today and lo and behold! A box of donuts! In my joy I peek in the little plastic window and see the goddamn thing is empty. Happy Friday to me right? (If you say this to your coworkers then go to hell.)  First off this was at like 9:30am so people must have flocked here like moths to a flame. Second off what kind of asshole kills a package and doesn't throw it away? Thirdly I compiled a list of my main suspects. All these pictures are off Google using key words I thought described each person.*  I managed to get one picture of a coworker but she got really mad and threatened to get me written up.  Alright lady relax, they're only donuts.


1) Chad

Never trust a guy named Chad. They'll take your donuts when you're not looking.

2) Natalia

Stuck up lady probably had one just to spite me.

3) Deborah

This lady is a psychopath.  Definitely took a second donut home 'for her cat.'  Ok Deborah, as if your cat has the jaw hinge capability to eat a donut.

4) Deborah's cat

Asshole.

5) Weird IT guy with the porn stance

No idea what his name is but he comes in everyday with Dunkin Donuts.

6) Chad again

Still don't trust this guy.  I bet he ate two when no one was paying attention.

7) Ralph

I know another Ralph and he's exactly the guy who would steal a donut from under your nose. Guilty by association.

8) Vicky

She's always eating half her lunches before throwing them out so I can only assume she wasted a precious donut too.

* Before suing me for using these pictures, please know that I am willing to fold like a deck of cards.