I'm glad I don't have to buy my cookies through a third party off Craigslist. Nothing says 'upstanding citizen' like tweaking out for some Tagalongs after getting slapped with a restraining order for every child ever.
What the hell do you have to do to be ordered to stay from 300 yards from all minors? Is that a typo? I can't imagine what fucking weird shit you have to do be slapped with that order.
He has to live on an obscure farm in the sticks. There's no way you can live in any town and meet the 300 yards requirement. I don't know how he's going to meet someone in a metro area and be 300 yards from all minors. Does the 300 yards count vertically? In that case, touche weirdo. Build a loft on top of a water tower.
At this point it's probably time to focus on things more important than cookies. Like not touching little kids.
PS- 8/10 cookie selection. I'm down for everything except the lemon cookies. Replace those with Samoas and you have an all star line up.
h/t Barstool (still no shame)
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