GTFO With 'Slim' Oreo

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Source- Oreo maker Mondelez has confirmed to the Associated Press that “Oreo Thins” will be a permanent fixture on U.S. retail shelves starting next week. The cookies look like a regular Oreo except they are slimmer: with four of the “Thins” containing 140 calories vs. 160 calories for three regular sized Oreos.

     Hey Oreo, GTFO.  You lost me.  I put up with Oatmeal Oreos.  I put up with Red Velvet Oreos.  Slim Oreos?  No.  I eat Oreos in order to consume mass amounts of calories with minimal nutritional benefit.  I want sugar to drown out the shame of being a snack food blogger.

     So a regular Oreo has ~53 calories vs. ~35 for a slim Oreo.  That means when I kill a row of cookies (about 12 cookies) I'm losing 220 calories.  Where am I supposed to make those calories up?  Poultry and fruits?  What am I poor?

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Second source- But don't let the cookies' name or the slightly reduced calorie count fool you — these Oreos might be slimmer, but they're definitely not diet food. Rather, the whole point of the new cookie creation, according to the company, is to cast the cookie as all grown up. Oreo Thins aren't made to be twisted open or dunked. "If regular Oreos are like pancakes, then Oreo Thins would be like crepes," an Oreo spokeswoman explained to The Associated Press.

     Hold on, I just barfed in my mouth.  Adult?  Not twisted or dunked?  That's a great idea!  Let's take milk's favorite cookie and completely turn our backs on milk!  I guess slim Oreos are going to be a kale shake's favorite cookie.  Someone here is a douchebag and needs to pay.  I have never met a self-respecting adult who hasn't enjoyed twisting and dunking their Oreos.  I assume if you don't do that then you're voting for Ted Cruz and therefore, by association, hate what makes America, America.