8 Totally Crazy Facts About Twix That Are Supposed To Shock and Amaze You!

Note: This blog is a lot of pictures and stream of consciousnesses.  (Also sorry if the pictures come out a bit wonky, for some reason Google+ didn't want to upload them properly.)

I saw this as one of the sponsored stories on Snapchat.  Turns out the sponsored stories don't scroll like your friends' stories so while trying to figure it out I wound up seeing 21 Times You Were Totally Kanye! and 8 Back To School Outfits That Are Cute AF!  Apparently you scroll down and then you're given just one giant photograph to read down.  Makes sense.

First off how fucking hard is it to count?  Is it 8 or 9?  And when the hell has anyone ever bought a Twix and thought there was only 1 bar?  Your usage of Taylor Swift is as humorous as it is necessary!

1) Hold up.  You're saying that a product with a shelf life didn't make it overseas right away?  Well color me shocked.  SHOCKED, I tell you!
     Also, that factory absolutely does not look like the Wonka factory.

If by "looks like" you mean "both have standard factory parts," Then yes I suppose they're exact twins.

2) Alright fair enough.  That's kind of interesting.  Maybe they decided to change their name once word of Oakland made it to England.

Yeah no shit they changed their name after that.  I wouldn't want my candy bar to be associated with "The Black Hole" and going 6-10 every year.

3) Raiders fan are bunch of nutcases?  You're absolutely right I'm stunned by this development!  And why was the new ad slogan in German?  They're in England.  I may not be a smart man but I know you want to use a slogan people can actually understand.

4) That is just fascinating.  Almost as good as the meeting they held to name the Double Tree hotel chain.

They said, "Let's call this hotel "Something...Tree," so they had a meeting; it... it was quite short.  "How 'bout Tree?" "No, Double Tree." "Hell yeah!  Meeting adjourned!"  I had my heart set on "Quadruple Tree"... damnit, we were almost there!

-Mitch Hedberg

And nice use of a pop culture reference that's 9 years old.  I would have used one that is actually related to the quote you're putting in there:

5) Peanut butter is a hero?  Whoa!  Of course sales picked up after peanut butter was introduced.  Peanut butter is delicious.  Although I do like the quote about how Twix was performing: "The candy wasn't doing poorly enough to discontinue or well enough to expand."  That's how I'm going to start describing my blog's popularity.

6) Alright 28 is kind of a lot.  That's more than the number of sketch comedy shows Comedy Central has tried out to replace the gaping hole left by the Chappelle Show.

You can read all 28 types at Wikipedia.

7) Of course it is.  Everyone and their mother is hopping on the Nutella ripoff bandwagon.  Reese's and Hershey already did it.  And yes that means I have to find it and blog it.

8) I'm well aware of the size of English candy bars.  You forget I have a foreign friend willing to make trips back to the old country to pick up snacks for me.  (h/t John 1 2 3 4 5 8)  If you think me buying candy on a $3.13 budget is bad financing, imagine John having to get on a plane just for a crate of Crunchie bars.  The company card doesn't cover things like that.

     And no one tell Bloombito about that FSA deal.  First our sodas and now our candy bars?

9) This may be the least shocking fact of the group in that animal rights activists hate deliciousness and fun, and the most surprising fact since 9 is included in 8.  You know what they say about animal rennet, it'll get you every time.  Wait no they don't.  What the fuck is animal rennet?  If you Google it, your first hit is the Wikipedia page and the second hit is "What is animal rennet?"  So yeah, I have no idea.

And there you have it.  8 9 facts that will shock and amaze you.  This blog was way more effort than I expected it to be when I first saw it, so that was fun spending 2 goddamn days on it.

PS- If I put as much as I did into this blog as I did into talking to girls I wouldn't be writing blogs anymore.