Unbeknownst to me, today is Ted Cruz's birthday. I had nothing prepared. I can't research and write a blog at work so this is coming in a bit late.
I spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about what to say to Ted on his 46th birthday that hasn't already been said. "You're turning 46? You don't look a day over 55!" "Get fucked you candle-faced animal torturer!" "Remember your campaign? LOL!"
No, I'm going to take the moral high road. As Yoda teaches us,
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
In the spirit of the holidays Christmas (sorry, I forgot that since Trump is President, the other holidays stopped existing) I'm going to extend an olive branch to Sen. Cruz. As part of that olive branch, here's some birthday cake for you sir.
LOL you fucking idiot, you thought I'd play nice with you, he-who-blames-classic-rock? Go suck a tailpipe.
Let's take a look at the moment that sums up your pitiful existence. Trump spent his entire campaign calling you his bitch and insulting your wife. Any man with balls bigger than a dime would have stood up for her. You even made us believe that when you spoke at the RNC and trilled calling Trump out on his bullshit. Then what happened next?
Somewhere along the way you remember you're just a blobfish-
-and don't have a backbone. So happy birthday Ted! I hope 46 treats you as well as 45 did.
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