Why the fuck does everything Cruz says sound like he's a preacher from To Kill A Mockingbird? It's like after his father killed Kennedy he installed a pulpit where their dinner table should be. I know that because Cruz clearly doesn't know how to eat properly since he has queso dribbling onto his shirt. My grandpa couldn't move from his hospital bed and he could still figure out to not get shit all over his face. Case in point:
He's talking the way a normal person would talk about meeting their husband or wife for the first time. Cruz thinks melted cheese speaks to the soul as you put it on a tiny Vienna sausage (that's Cruz admitting to have a tiny, misshapen penis) or on a tortilla chip. But it's so cute how he shares his queso with his family!
And that wraps up today's blog about why Ted Cruz can sit on a fist! Thanks to my buddy Dylan for #TRIGGERING me and inspiring another angry blog.
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