"And ye shall judge them by the company they keep.- Jesus"- Hebrew Hammer
Boston Magazine- (Yes I know this happened in November, bear with me)
The New York-based law firm that produced the so-called Wells Report, a 243-page document at the center of this summer’s Soviet show-trials comprising Deflategate, is holding a $2,700-per-person fundraiser for Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton.
Well well well. What do we have here? It's only fitting, I suppose. It's only fitting that Hillary Clinton aligns herself with Ted Wells. Do you know who Ted Wells is? No? Per Boston Magazine:
Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP is hosting the soirée Thursday in New York City,reports WMUR. Ted Wells, a partner at the firm and a co-chair in the NFL’s Litigation Department, authored the report summarizing the findings of a dubiously independent investigation funded the league and Commissioner Roger Goodell, alleging that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was “at least generally aware” of the marginal deflation of footballs prior to the AFC Championship Game. The Pats savaged the Indianapolis Colts, 45-7.
For this general awareness, Goodell suspended Brady four games, which the league later upheld. In federal court in Manhattan, Judge Richard Berman ruled in favor of Brady and nullified his suspension, claiming Goodell had “dispensed his own brand of industrial justice.” The league promptly appealed the decision.
There's two sports teams on Earth that I have a vested interest in and the Patriots are half of them. What's the saying that the enemy of my enemy is my friend? Since I finished 9th grade math I can determine that therefore, the friend of my enemy is my enemy. And you, Hillary Clinton, are now my enemy.
Who does that leave me to vote for? Let's go to Tom Brady on this one.
That's a Donald Trump hat if you can't tell.
Alright maybe His Holiness and I disagree on this one. I sure as fucking hell won't be voting for Ted Cruz. Basically every remaining GOP candidate besides Kasich thinks America is a Christian nation, which for some reason doesn't appeal to a Jewish voter. And Kasich seems like a lousy choice so he's out. That leaves me with Bernie Sanders or Mike Bloomberg (I'm assuming he acts on his idea to run).
I'm having way too much fun with this collage program.
What do these two guys have in common? You're damn right they're both Jewish! What a year it's been for the Chosens. First my blog takes off and now we have two Jews with legitimate chances at the White House. We need a hashtag for this momentous occasion. So I'm going to do to Hillary's hashtag what Fuhrer Goodell did to the Patriots' draft picks: steal them. #IStandWithHer? Nope, now it's #IStandWithJew, that's our intellectual, trademarked property.* So don't steal it!
I'm pumped for the idea of Presidente Bloombito. You thought a black President shook things up? Wait until you get a Spanish Jew. Casual racists, get your burning crosses ready.
PS- Keep the collage program warm while I got the Ted-hate rolling!
Oh look, two bottom-feeders both named Ted.
* How do trademarks work? Is it like calling shotgun? Or when Michael Scott declared bankruptcy?
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