It's Halloween!

(I know I used this comic last year.  It's still fucking hilarious.)

     It's Halloween!  And that means last night was Mischief Night.  It rained where I live so unfortunately there were no kids to scare.  Two years ago I caught some little shit rubbing Vaseline on my car so I chased him down and yelled at him until he messed his pants.  Talk about a natural high.  And because of that bad weather this year there wasn't anything.

Guess Who Built Up A Wordpress Site And Then Got Dick Slapped In The Face?

     Yeah, that would be me.  I am not fucking happy.  I started up a Wordpress site because I thought I could make ad money based on views and not clicks, the way that Blogger does it.  So I bought a domain for $12/year which isn't bad.  But then I learned that in order to advertise on Wordpress, you have to use Wordpress premium which is $99/year in addition to owning your own domain.  So that's fucking fantastic.
     I even posted my first blog last night just so you can see it was ready to go.
https://hebrewhammerthinks.wordpress.com/
So now I'm pretty much in advertising limbo.  In 2 goddamn years on Blogger I've made $5.60.  They don't send you checks for less than $100.  And I can't advertise on Wordpress without spending $111/year, which is more than I spend on the candy I'm writing about.  Either way I can't even balance the checkbook on running this thing.  Don't be surprised when I increase the number of non-review blogs.
     Notice the two features I added on Wordpress- Contact and Master List.  I have no idea how to add those to Blogger.  Blogger sucks.  It's easy for writing a blog post but every other feature is just awful.  I don't know how to link posts to social media accounts.  I can't figure out how to link social media accounts on the blog at all.  I don't know how to put up Contact info or my Master List page.  People tell me they can't see pictures I put up.  Sometimes pictures randomly delete themselves.  Advertising is a big bust.  Fuck this website.  Also check the website in two days for my Halloween blog.
     Although on the bright side my blog now has it's own official doman, hebrewhammerthinks.com.  So I got that going for me.

PS- I made a Facebook page for this too.  So I guess you can check that out and keep laughing at my monumental misfortune.

UPDATE- I rage-blogged throughout the night and figured out how to add a Master List, social media, and Contact.  Unfortunately Contact just leads you to the Contact page on Wordpress.  Goddammit.

I Got A Free Brownie And Made 50¢ Last Week So Yeah, The Blog's Doing Well

     What kinda perks do you guys get from work?  Healthcare and a pension fund?  Yeah that's cool.  But you know what's cooler than cool?  Free brownies!

Cadbury Fingers Are Made From Chocolate And Not People

     I know what you're thinking.  Andrew, fingers are human body parts!  Well have no fear!  These are made from chocolate.  No people were maimed (intentionally) in the snack manufacturing process.

ShopRite Black And White Cookies Are White The Same Way Donald Trump Is

     Get it?  Because they're orange!

First Snack After My First Loss: Milky Way Simply Caramel

     It's tough to get back into blogging after suffering defeat at the hands of an ice cream.  I decided to start off with some easy, and a comfort food: Milky Way Simply Caramel.

My Nightmare Has Come True: I Have Lost To A Snack

     I always feared this day would come.  This must be how Joe Montana felt when Steve Young came in.  To look on helplessly as your career slips away.  That or I just ate myself into a food coma.

Hershey's Candy Corn Bar

     I know what you're thinking.  Candy corn?  In a bar?  I was taken aback too.  I didn't know candy corn creme was a thing.  What a time to be alive.

Entenmann's Apple Cider Donuts- I'm #Done

     Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, that's my own goddamn fault for being tricked into buying a 2 for 1 price deal at Shop Rite.  No one plays the Hebrew Hammer for a fool!  No one, you hear me!

Sap! Maple Soda

     I don't know if you guys are in on the maple scene but it's some pretty top notch stuff.  It's like craft beers but for people without douchey mustaches and a studio apartment in a gentrified neighborhood.

7-11 Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Made With Reese's Peanut Butter Cups & Milk Chocolate Chips That Was Sitting In A Truck For A Week

(Nice picture asshole. Learn how to use the focus)

     Thanks to my buddy Dan for contributing to the blog and hooking me up with this cookie.  I bailed on practice early to watch the Patriots game/ not re-break my nose during live tackling so I didn't get to pick this cookie up at the end of the night.  Dan selflessly resisted temptation and didn't eat the cookie just for the sake of the blog.