Instead Of Watching The Pro Bowl, I Suggest You Eat This Reese's Bar

     Reese's seem to be expanding on the peanut butter game.  I recently learned they sell it in jars, and it turns out they're selling it in chocolate-encased bar form now.  Spoiler alert: it's fabulous!

I Bought A Second Box Of Hard Candy Because I Have Poor Planning

     If you'll hearken back to my previous post, you'll recall that I had another box of hard candy.  Well I bought two boxes when I went to the store.  Turns out that was a really bad idea.

I Bought Hard Candy Because I'm An Idiot

     So I recently made a trip down to the local CVS to get some snacks and blog about them.  It was a successful trip in the sense that I found samples, but a failure in the sense that I should have read the boxes before buying.

Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies Are Named After A Shitty Romance Book

     Like most overweight people, I spend plenty of time at the office vending machine.  I saw a cookie I haven't seen before, so naturally I bought one to sample.

     "Where did the Lorna Doone name come from?" asks I, my curiosity taking ahold of me.  Lorna Doone turns out to be the name of an old romance book.

Little Debbie Zebra Cakes- Contains No Actual Zebra

     I know what you're probably thinking.  "But Andrew, putting actual zebra meat into a cake would be disgusting."  Yeah no shit.  But you still have 'zebra' in the name.  If you sell me a Bacon Maple PopTart I expect it to contain natural and/ or artificial bacon flavor.  I don't care how poorly the two ideas go together, promises were made.

I've Run Out Of Witty Headlines Describing My Hatred For Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz Thinks Hillary Clinton Has Been A Naughty Girl And Needs A Spanking (An Erotic Fan Fiction In One Act)

SOURCE- "Was Secretary Clinton awake or asleep when four Americans were being murdered? We don't know to this day," Cruz told supporters at a coffee shop in Charles City, Iowa. "We do know Hillary told her daughter Chelsea, 'Well gosh, I knew it was a terrorist attack,' while we were out telling the American people it wasn't. You know, I'll tell you, in my house, if my daughter Catherine, the 5-year-old, says something she knows to be false, she gets a spanking."

Barcel Takis- It Turns Out "Fuego" Means "Fire"

Continuing my adventures in the office vending machine, I picked out this exotic looking snack.

Last Night's Enforcer Concert Was The Most Intense/ Ridiculous/ Absurdest Concert Ever (Flying Kick Content)

     The concert started out like any other.  A couple openers, moshing, drinking, sweaty fat men, the usual.  But when Enforcer came on stage things changed.  Oh did they ever change.

Hershey Cookie and Cream Bar

     This is one of my all time favorite candy bars.  I can't have them around too often because they disappear faster than the regular candy bar, which is still pretty fast.  Throw in a king size bar and you have one happy fat guy.