English Invasion Part 7:Maynard's Wine Gums

     The English Invasion is back from hiatus!  And by hiatus I mean I couldn't find the bag with the candies in them.  Tomato, tomahto.  I should note that I don't think these actually contain wine.  I ate a whole package and didn't get drunk.  Maybe I'm just a champ and can handle my alcohol?  That's a distinct possibility.  I housed a bottle of Manischewitz for Passover so it's not like I haven't done it before.
     These are another fruity chew snack like the Rowntree's Fruit Pastilles.  I think the main difference between the two is the quality with which they are done.  It's sort of like Reese's Pieces vs Peanut Butter M&Ms.  Same concept, different execution.
     Unfortunately for Mr. Maynard, Rowntree wins this round.  The Wine Gums aren't bad, they're just the red headed step child of fruit chews in a blonde fruit chew's world.
     They have a little bit of fruit flavor but not enough for me to say "Wow this is definitely *insert flavor usually associated with color*."  Also, bullshit on the wine.  I'm kinda upset about that.  I was expecting a buzz after eating them.  Could you imagine the marketing plan if they actually were wine?  White girls everywhere would bring a box of them to brunch.  You can't buy that publicity.  Hell, I'd probably pop a few after lunch just so I could make it through my desk neighbor's daily inspirational speech to her grandson*.

     Although this does give me a business idea to make actual wine gummies.  There's laws involving selling alcohol but I'm pretty sure if you do it all online then the government can't track you.  I'll just sell it through the blog and we'll be golden.  Hebrew Hammer's Wine Snacks.  I figure with all the ad money I've earned I can invest it and make back a fortune.  No one with $3.58 has ever not turned out successful.
     If I make get back to the snacks from my ramblings, I also take offense to the fact that Maynard's didn't include a flavor guide like Rowntree did.  Some of these were pretty tough to figure out.  And by tough I mean I made no attempt to do it.  I'd have them again, but they'd be down on the list. 5/10.

* That's a serious thing I didn't make up or exaggerate for this blog.  Seriously.  I went through my entire high school career without talking to a girl and even I would have beaten this kid up.