The Most Definite Girl Scout Cookie Ranking EVER (You Can Either Agree With Me Or Be Wrong)

If you don't agree with this ranking then you don't even know cookies.  I am the cookie expert.  Everything here is basically a law.
As you might recall from last year I was very upset with the Girl Scouts.  Not one girl sold me a box of cookies.  (I think.  I can't remember back that far).
Side note, thanks to my buddy Tony for hooking me up this year.  Technically thanks to his niece but Tony put up with me tweaking out for like 3 solid weeks.

7) Rah Rah Raisin

Get the fuck out of here with this.  Rah Rah Raisins are the ugly girl in the popular group so when the other girls are having a bad day then can look at her and say "Well at least I'm not her!"  (You know who you are)

6) Savannah Smiles

If these are your favorite then you should be locked away for pre-crime.  They are just not a good option.  Better than the Rah Rah Raisins?  Yes, but not by merit.  Like when the Redskins make the playoffs.  You won because everyone else was a pile of hot garbage, not because you're a true champion.

5) Trefoils

Oh wow a plain cookie with no toppings or add-ons?  Really thinking outside the box with this one.  This is what happens when you let little girls control what is supposed to be the most lucrative demographic as far as cookies go.  They make terrible decisions and their parents get pissed off they can't live vicariously through an 8 year old.

4) Do-Si-Dos

Here's an idea for a cookie: let's make it a peanut butter cookie and not put enough peanut butter in it!  Are you going to take me out to dinner too?  Are you taking me out before you fuck me?!

3) Samoas

(This is what happens when you live with a guy named Brett)

2) Tagalongs

My personal favorite.  But this isn't all about me.  This is about the people.  Chocolate peanut butter cookies are are a quick way to not only my heart but also my arteries and my stomach.  Plus there are only 15 in the box.  I need way more than that if they're going to take the top spot.

1) Thin Mints

Thin Mints are the only obvious winner here.  The quality of the cookie mixed with the volume of them puts them light years ahead of the competition.  Plus 'thin' is in the name so you know they're healthy for you.  I actually had to restrain myself from picking Tagalongs for this spot.  For the sake of my journalistic integrity I went with the Thin Mints.  It's just not fair to let bias come into a power ranking.

And there you go.  The most definite ranking of all the Girl Scout cookies.  All other lists are wrong (unless they agree with me).  Next year I plan on ranking them again and seeing if Thin Mints can hold the top spot.