I Got A Request To Tell The Story About When I Got 3 Replacement Credit Cards

     My buddy Dan texted me that was enjoying a laugh with his coworkers at/ with me.  Something about my misfortunes.  Well anyone he said I should write a blog about the bad things that happen to me in everyday life besides eating shitty candy.  Here's the story about when I got 3 replacement credit cards.

     I went into the gym one day and my swipe card didn't work.  The receptionist said that since my debit card had expired I would have to use something else to pay, and that I was technically late on my payment and would get a late fee.  She gave me the number of headquarters and I gave her my credit card info, so next time this shit happens I can fight it with MasterCard instead of having the money taken from my account.
     Headquarters was nice enough to cancel the charge since I've been going to this gym for 4 years and this is the first offense.  Alright, cool.  Story's over, right?  Nope.  You think my life is that easy?
     My credit card bill comes in a few days later with a charge from Hollywood Bus Tours.  I've never been on the west coast so that's a bit of an issue.  I call up MasterCard, get the charge removed, bingo bango, I have a new credit card now.  While my credit card is in the mail I have to go back to the gym and now switch back to my debit card again since I'm a poor person and only have one credit card.
     A few days later my new credit card comes in the mail.  Again, did you think my life would be that easy?  Look at my fucking card:

MY CREDIT CARD WAS SNAPPED IN HALF!  The fuck is that!  The goddamn envelope was bent in half right in the middle of the credit card.  The only possible way that could have happened was someone at the Post Office saw the envelope, felt a credit card inside, said "Haha, fuck this guy!" and snapped the card.  There's no other way it could have happened.

     I had to call up MasterCard again and tell them I needed a new card.  The guy on the phone thought it was hilarious that my card was DOA.  They said normally they charge an expediting fee but since my life is so shitty they'd waive the fee and overnight it.  Alright cool, I finally have my new credit card over a week later.  The card comes in the mail, I activate it, everything's okily dokily.

    Well just wait a week and see what happens.  I got a third credit card.  How the fuck does that happen?  I call up MasterCard A FOURTH TIME (since my debit card is MasterCard too) and tell them I now have a duplicate credit card.  After the lady on the phone stopped laughing at me she said that as long as one is activated I should be fine, just cut up the extra.

     So there you have it.  Slightly over two weeks and I got a new debit card, a late fee, a fraudulent charge, a broken credit card, a new credit card, and a new credit card again.  And two people at MasterCard laughed at me too.

     If you have any requests to laugh at me about (like maybe a New Year's Party when I got stood up after already being at the party with her) use the contact link at the top of the page that I managed to get on the blog.