Kiwi Invasion Part 1: Nestle Chokito

     My buddy RJ recently went on his honeymoon (like a month or two ago but I got sidetracked, shut up) and picked me up some southern hemisphere candy.  Spoiler alert- it spun backwards about 4-6 hours after I ate it (that's when I pooped).

Ted Cruz Has Decided It's Been Too Long Since I Blogged About Ted Cruz

The Hill- "The Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson and Republicans are happily the party of Homer, Bart, Maggie and Marge," Cruz said, referring to the other Simpson family members on the long-running cartoon show "The Simpsons."

If My Trainer Friend Can Review Candy, I Can Review His Workouts

     Look at this shit. I’m getting cucked on Facebook. And on Fat Tuesday no less! My number #2 holiday right after Halloween! I can’t even get a heads up about some local candy shop before it gets put on Facebook?  I haven't even gotten to try any candy!

Chocolate Hazelnut Oreos

     Let’s call a spade a spade here and say these are Nutella Oreos. Chocolate hazelnut is Nutella. Xerox, Kleenex, Frisbee. They’re all in the same category of no one caring what the real product name is.

Oreo Subscriptions Are For Nerds and Poors

As pointed out to me by my good friend RJ (congrats on the honeymoon), Oreo and Amazon are teaming up for a monthly delivery service. Let’s break down the basics of it.

* * NeW yEaR nEw Me * *

     For my New Year's Resolution this year I decided not to make a resolution.  Why, you may ask?  Well, I don't need one.

Hershey's Gold Peanuts And Pretzels

     The invention of wheel. The Beatles performing at Shea Stadium. Tom Brady’s first start as an NFL quarterback. These are all historic events that people will remember for millennia. The release of Hershey’s Gold Peanuts and Pretzels is not one of these. Hershey’s first new product in over 20 years doesn’t live up to the hype. I wanted to love it. I really did. But just like my neighbor with his kid, there’s no love here.
     Now you may be wondering, “Hey Andrew why couldn’t you take a picture before breaking into a billion pieces?” Well to that I apologize. This was second rate journalism by me. I bought this at QuickChek one drunken night and left it in my jacket pocket. When I got to work Monday I found this bar still in my pocket and smashed, presumably from when I thought I could hop the fence behind Just Jake’s.

     Brokenness aside, this candy bar was a bit of a let-down. The main issue is how salty it is. The saltiness of the peanuts and pretzels combine for a lot of saltiness. I enjoy the occasional salty snack but this was too overpowering. The crème wasn’t prevalent enough to my liking. Its flavor wasn’t strong enough to break away, just like Ben Roesthlisberger when he walks by a PF Chang’s. Also, they organized the pieces very oddly and that bothers me more than it should. The peanut flavor was the strongest, and the pretzels pretty much only provided texture. It wasn’t a bad candy bar but I wouldn’t reach for it again. 6/10