Second Annual Thanksgiving Review

Spoiler alert: My blog managed to survive for a year.

Hershey's Krackel Bar

     Hershey Krackel Bar.  One of the unsung heroes of the candy world.  A fine candy bar that would be a flagship product under any other brand, save for the most powerful candy brand in the world.

Truck Assholes And 7-11 Fudge Mint Cookies

     Have you ever bought 7-11 brand snacks?  Probably just a Slurpee.  7-11 isn't exactly a brand you associate with things like high quality snacks, variety, or health regulations.  But luckily for y'all, you're reading this blog where I review 7-11 snacks with little to no regard for my health.

Snack Food Showdown- Two Cookies I Found In The Office Cafeteria

     We come another installment of my running series Snack Food Showdown.* Today we have two worthy competitors an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie and a Chocolate Chunk Cookie. Both produced by Dartcor, who handle my company's food services.

Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate? Part 3: The GOP Loser Table

     We come now to the third and final installment of Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate?  It's been a fun ride. I killed 3 Democratic campaigns.  I'm pretty sure a few Republicans dropped out after I laid the Hebrew Hammer down on them, but who can count that high?  Last but not least, we have the losers table at the CNN Republican Debate.  Don't feel bad if you're voting for one of these people, it just means your voice doesn't deserve to be heard.

Whatchamacallit (Who's On First! Amirite?)

     How many of you have heard of Whatchamacallit?  It's the candy version of That 10 Minute Oil Change Place.  You went for a quirky name and now I'm more confused than when I started.

M&Ms Instagram Builds On Their Cuckold Commercial

After I recently joined Instagram I decided to check out a few suppliers of mine.  M&M did a pretty good job with that last commercial and their Instagram is on the same level, great stuff here.

I love fall, when the leaves turn colors they look like me! – Yellow

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Oct 2, 2015 at 3:54pm PDT

I'm glad to see at least one snack food company is honest about the coloring of their product. *ahem* Little Debbie.

For #NationalDoSomethingNiceDay, I’m helping Red update his look. – Ms. Green

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Oct 5, 2015 at 2:30pm PDT

Where is Ms. Green's hand and why is Red looking extremely uncomfortable?  Can't blame a guy for not liking the old rubber glove treatment.

Wait, that’s how you make them? - Yellow

A video posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Sep 30, 2015 at 5:50pm PDT

What fuck did I just watch?  That's how you make what?

Great news: Fall TV is back. Bad news: My pilot #LifeAccordingToRed wasn’t picked up. - Red

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Sep 22, 2015 at 11:47am PDT

I bet it would get more viewers than Two Broke Girls.

Everyone keeps talking about how I’m the “New Black”… I don’t understand. – Orange #Emmys

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Sep 20, 2015 at 5:18pm PDT

Admit it, you laughed.

Isn’t this the coolest thing you’ve ever seen? – Blue

A video posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Sep 18, 2015 at 3:35pm PDT

No it's not.

It’s been three and a half years as the Chief Chocolate Officer – I’d say I’ve earned iconic status working with those colorful characters every day… - Ms. Brown | Link to vote in bio.

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Sep 12, 2015 at 10:23am PDT

And she did it all in 5 inch heels!

My favorite thing about football season is accessorizing. – Ms. Green

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Sep 10, 2015 at 2:43pm PDT

Can't wait for Jezebel to whine about this one.

If I’m on the box, you know it’s good. – Red

A photo posted by M&M'S (@mmschocolate) on Aug 23, 2015 at 3:28pm PDT

Initial review: 10/10

Also, what's up with Mars Global's Instagram?

That's just depressing.  Also, they're in the business of Wrigley?  Isn't that the gum company?  So gum is their business?  And how do you go from M&Ms and gum to symbioscience?  I don't even know what that is.

Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate? The GOP's Big Kids Table Part 2

I think the voters are responding to my electric personality.

Ben Carson: Pop rocks.  No one knows how the science behind them works, just like how Ben doesn't know how any science works, besides neurosurgery... somehow?

(As a Jew, I will be scared for my safety if he is elected)

Mike Huckabee: Tangy Tarts Scripture Candy.  We get it dude, you think America should abide by your Christian views, now excuse me while I get ready for Hanukkah and vote in favor of gay marriage.

I brought my own water since you don't have any in California! Ha!... ha... um...

Marco Rubio: Dots.  Guys, I'm a real candy!  I swear!  Where are you guys going?  Can I come?

Leave me rap to you all about creating jobs for the 30,000 people I laid off.

Carly Fiorina: Corporate event cakes that they expect you to share with the whole goddamn office.  At least there's no one left to sneak a piece during lunch!
(Unrelated to the blog: I was at one of those 15 minute birthday party deals that offices do.  Somebody was complaining that they went to Ozzfest and Marilyn Manson's show wasn't kid-friendly.  Are you fucking stupid, lady?  Anyways, I turned to the guy next to me and said that I like Marilyn Manson.  He looked at me and said "I hope you're joking" then walked away.)

I'm sure Ray-Bans will get the millennials' attention!

Rand Paul: Caramel apple.  Check it out guys!  I put caramel on this apple and now it's totally rad!

Rice Krispies Treat

     I picked these up during my Peanut Butter and Co. review.  Haven't had them in a few years but my buddy Dan likes them and I trust him.  Spoiler alert, they taste good even without a schmear of peanut butter.

EMERGENCY BLOG: I Was Sold A Moldy Hostess Ho-Hos By A Shell Gas Convenience Store

     Three days in a row with a blog?  I know what you're thinking.  "Andrew, dude, you're on a goddamn roll!"  Well it's not good news.  I wrote two blogs for Halloween because the Dark Lord commands it it's a national holiday.  Now I have to write a third for an atrocity that was committed unto me.