EMERGENCY BLOG: I Was Sold A Moldy Hostess Ho-Hos By A Shell Gas Convenience Store

     Three days in a row with a blog?  I know what you're thinking.  "Andrew, dude, you're on a goddamn roll!"  Well it's not good news.  I wrote two blogs for Halloween because the Dark Lord commands it it's a national holiday.  Now I have to write a third for an atrocity that was committed unto me.
     After the rugby match yesterday we stopped in a Shell to take a piss break and buy a snack.  I see some Ho-Hos on the shelf and decided to try them out.  I bought them, got back into the car, and popped one into my mouth (whole, yes I know.  I have a big mouth, I'm a glutton, and they're small.).  This thing tasted AWFUL.  I honestly thought the gasoline from the station had infiltrated the entire convenience store and seeped into the snack.  It tasted like gas.  I tell my friend to smell the package, so when he takes it he of course notices the stench.  He takes a look at them and there's fucking mold!  The package had expired 9 days ago.
     I go back into the store to tell the guy there's mold on my fucking snack cake and he asks if I want to take a new Ho-Hos.  Fuck no I don't.  That one was expired too.  Why would I want more mold?  The guy just grumbled and threw out the whole display.  I traded the moldy Ho-Hos in for a tin of mint Skoal.

     After that I freaked out that I just ingested mold.  It's probably not a good idea to eat any more snacks after there's mold in my stomach.  I think mold feeds off of sugar.  Do I have the science behind that?  No, but I follow Food Babe on Facebook and I've learned you don't need "knowledge" or "understanding" to make bold, semi-libelous claims.  When I got home I took a few shots of whiskey hoping to kill the mold just liked I killed my parents hope for grandchildren.

     How do I feel now?  I think I had a few psychosomatic stomach aches, but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary occurred during my post-game deuce.

     Look at that!  There's fucking mold on it!  How does that happen?  Candy is supposed to have a shelf life of like a year and a half.  This was 9 days expired.  That's disgusting.  According to eatbydate.com, Hostess snacks should be good 1-2 weeks past expiration date.  Well that's definitely more mold than should be there.

     Also, this isn't really important, but what the fuck is going on with the packaging?  You can kinda assume it from the above picture.  There were 3 cakes in the package.  You'd expect them to be side by side, right?  Wrong, they're laid in there like Tetris pieces.

What they should have done is on the left, what they actually did is on the right.  Get lost bro.  Package snack cakes like an adult for me one time.

PS- Check out this sign that my buddies Eric and Andrew picked up going to the game.

I do everything for the children, and their healthy, donatable organs.