Snack Food Showdown- Two Cookies I Found In The Office Cafeteria

     We come another installment of my running series Snack Food Showdown.* Today we have two worthy competitors an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie and a Chocolate Chunk Cookie. Both produced by Dartcor, who handle my company's food services.

    

     First up we have Oatmeal Raisin. I'm not a big Oatmeal Raisin guy. It's probably because my parents loved me. The mix of oatmeal and raisin itself isn't bad, it's that I'm eating a cookie. Who says "He guys you know what would be a good snack? Fruits and grain!" Gtfo. You're competing with a sugar cookie, which is literally just a cookie with twice as much of one ingredient. Don't polish a turd and tell me it's healthy.
     In the other corner, Chocolate Chunk. Normally I'm a huge chocolate chunk guy. It's chocolate chip, but with twice as much of one ingredient (not unlike an aforementioned sugar cookie). They're a simple enough cookie. But how the hell does it melt so much just sitting in the cafeteria?

     Now for the coup d'etat- they both fucking SUCK. The Oatmeal Raisin was all flaky. It didn't have very good structural integrity. The bits of oatmeal kept breaking away from each other. And of course the raisins' consistency didn't match the rest of the cookie because they're fucking raisins. And Chocolate Chunk was lousy too. This is the hardest cookie I've bitten into in a long time. It felt like my front teeth were going to snap. How hard is it to not over-bake a cookie? I imagine a company like this has to bake hundreds of cookies a day. They probably have an oven with an automatic timer to avoid this exact type of thing. Set the timer for 2 minutes less and you can decrease the number of chipped teeth from the company health insurance policy.

     Who's the winner in this showdown? That would be Dartcor, for swindling me out of $1.60 plus tax and the 4 cents change that the cashier pocketed. Neither cookie in this showdown deserves a win. Someone call Donovan McNabb, let him know we can finally move on from him being a dumbass (but we won't anyway, it's too much fun).

PS- I took these pictures and wrote this up in my cube while people were walking by. I'm waiting for someone to ask me why I keep Instagramming my cookies. Because I have obligations.

PPS- It'd be hilarious if this blog somehow got tracked down to me.
"Hey Andrew, why are you talking shit about our food suppliers?"
"Probably because their cookies suck. Make better cookies and I'll write a nicer blog. Don't hate the player, hate the game."
"You're fired."
*awkward silence*



* This is the second installment.