Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate? Part 3: The GOP Loser Table

     We come now to the third and final installment of Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate?  It's been a fun ride. I killed 3 Democratic campaigns.  I'm pretty sure a few Republicans dropped out after I laid the Hebrew Hammer down on them, but who can count that high?  Last but not least, we have the losers table at the CNN Republican Debate.  Don't feel bad if you're voting for one of these people, it just means your voice doesn't deserve to be heard.

I swear this wasn't staged to pander.

Bobby Jindal: Cookie Crisp cereal. Pretending to be something that's pretending to be good for you.

This is the exact type of thing I'm trying to outlaw!

Rick Santorum: Rocket Popsicle.  It got the good old red white and blue!  Also it's like the most phallic snack ever, and gay people scare him.

If I laugh awkwardly, maybe he won't realize I don't know who he is?

George Pataki:  Ribbon candy.  Dude, just quit already.

Gay people do whaaaat?!

Lindsey Graham: Graham crackers.  Get it?  Because they're both named 'Graham!'  Also no one cares about either one of them.

How come nobody knows who I am?

John Kasich: Marshmallows.  There's more color diversity in the world of marshmallows than in his Cabinet.