I think the voters are responding to my electric personality.
Ben Carson: Pop rocks. No one knows how the science behind them works, just like how Ben doesn't know how any science works, besides neurosurgery... somehow?
(As a Jew, I will be scared for my safety if he is elected)
Mike Huckabee: Tangy Tarts Scripture Candy. We get it dude, you think America should abide by your Christian views, now excuse me while I get ready for Hanukkah and vote in favor of gay marriage.
I brought my own water since you don't have any in California! Ha!... ha... um...
Marco Rubio: Dots. Guys, I'm a real candy! I swear! Where are you guys going? Can I come?
Leave me rap to you all about creating jobs for the 30,000 people I laid off.
Carly Fiorina: Corporate event cakes that they expect you to share with the whole goddamn office. At least there's no one left to sneak a piece during lunch!
(Unrelated to the blog: I was at one of those 15 minute birthday party deals that offices do. Somebody was complaining that they went to Ozzfest and Marilyn Manson's show wasn't kid-friendly. Are you fucking stupid, lady? Anyways, I turned to the guy next to me and said that I like Marilyn Manson. He looked at me and said "I hope you're joking" then walked away.)
I'm sure Ray-Bans will get the millennials' attention!
Rand Paul: Caramel apple. Check it out guys! I put caramel on this apple and now it's totally rad!
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