Am I Above Pocketing Candy At A Christmas Party To Take It Home And Review It? Click Here To Find Out!

Full disclosure: I put these in my back pocket, forgot about them, then passed out in the car ride home so they did not make it out in one piece.

RIP Lemmy

Emergency Blog: Patriots Lose In Overtime, Mrs. Fields Fails To Deliver

     This is what a defeated man looks like.

Happy Birthday, Ted Cruz! Just Kidding, Get Fucked

Completely unbeknownst to me, yesterday was Ted Cruz's birthday.  I totally dropped the ball on that one.  I decided to be nice to my favorite Presidential candidate and write him a blog for his birthday.

Office Cafeteria Brownie

     Now I know what you're thinking. "But Andrew, you tried their cookies and said they were terrible!" Well you're absolutely right. But if watching all the NFL's drug addicts, woman beaters, murderers, and maybe-possibly-knew-air-was-being-let-out-of-a-footballers compete and succeed show up every week for a paycheck has taught me anything, it's that Dartcor deserves a second chance.

How Insulting Is Texting Me A Cookie Score?

     How about the fucking balls on this guy to not only score a snack right under my nose, but to decide it gets a perfect 10?

Hanukkah Is Almost Over And That Means People Can Stop Asking Inane Questions

     Hanukkah, my favorite time of year when people ask me about being Jewish and act awkward when I tell them that Hanukkah is one of the least important holidays on the Jewish calendar.  It's not a huge miracle- oil last 8 days instead of 1.  The same thing that happens with my car when I don't bring it in for a check-up.

Nestle Chunky Bar- Contains No Munky

     Who doesn't like chunky things?  Milk, friends, monkeys.  All great chunky things to have in your life.  By that logic Chunky Bars must be great too, right?  Gather 'round and we'll discuss!

Cadbury Caramello, An English Brand Enters The Mix

     Cadbury, that's an English company.  Foreign candy brands are always more sophisticated than American brands.  Look at that gold and royal purple wrapper.  You think KitKat could pull that move?  Hell no.

My Company Held A Mo Party: A Contemplation

     So my company (who I probably shouldn't mention by name) held a Mo Party in honor of Movember.  The party was in December, but fuck it, we're not horologists*, right?

SHOCKING: The Office Cafeteria Added A Third Cookie; Completely Ruins My Showdown

(Read the original showdown here)

     Breaking news! The office cafeteria added a third cookie. The fuck is this? You can't add another cookie after the official blog review has been posted. That's messing up the rules, and in this country we leave that to our politicians and referees.