So my company (who I probably shouldn't mention by name) held a Mo Party in honor of Movember. The party was in December, but fuck it, we're not horologists*, right?
At 3pm my coworker comes over to me and says "Hey Andrew there's snacks in the cafeteria!" Well you don't have to tell me twice! I got on the elevator with everyone else in my department and immediately set off the over weight limit alarm. Things are going smoothly from the start. I get downstairs and see a lovely assortment of cupcakes, fruits, and breakfast bars.** I tried taking pictures of the tables, but people kept blocking my shots and giving me funny looks for using my camera.
Of course being the fatass I am, I start off with a cupcake. My coworkers filled their plates with food and said "Alright back to work." What the fuck? There's an office party and we just don't do anything? I managed to grab a breakfast bar as they all filed out.
As I'm walking out I was behind another guy with about four breakfast bars, a banana, yogurt cup, and cupcake. I want you to picture all of that and how you would balance it on a little styrofoam cake plate. Do you have a mental image? No? Good, because he didn't have a physical image either. His cupcake went flying and landed frosting side down on the hallway carpeting. He tried jumping beneath it to catch it but missed. So now he's just crouched over looking at this frosting bomb he set off on the floor. Breakfast bars are strewn about like Bud Light cans at a Jets tailgate. Being the upstanding citizen I am, I suppressed my laughter and managed to get out of there before I saw the resolution to this anecdote.
And that was the whole party. It literally took 20 minutes including writing this blog. What kind of party is that? No wonder I'm blogging instead of working. It's a cubicle farm here. Everyone is chained to their laptops. I, for one, am grateful that I have the courage to shed the corporate image and be the bad boy blogger. (Not really, please don't fire me, I need this money to pay for all the snacks I buy. I'm like $200 in the red running this blog.)
PS- I started with this company after they kicked off Movember so I just didn't shave during the week. Everyone else here had those half-beards that you see 17 year olds with when they're trying to be an adult. There's no reason for the resident blogger to be the only clean shaven person.
* Someone who studies the measuring of time. AKA, a calendarologist. Maybe read a book sometime.
** How many people actually eat these for breakfast? I need like a whole box to make up for a meal. For a snack they're fine, but instead of an omelette? GTFO.
No comments:
Post a Comment