Happy Halloween You Degenerates!

     It's Halloween, which means every website trying to be hip is putting out a list of what snacks are the best.  Here's what I've learned from doing this snack blog: there's no definitive list.  Some people, like me, have refined taste in only the best Oreos.  Entitled douchebags are going to raise their kids to expect full size bars on Halloween.  And poor people are going to get excited over Skittles.

     I figured I'd rip apart someone else's list. Originally I was going to disembowel Buzzfeed but they have so many fucking lists that I didn't know where to start. So my victim today will be E! Online. Original list here.

     (Also I wrote this Halloween blog but wasn't happy with it so I wrote the one I posted yesterday.  Feel free to read that one again.)

A Candy Blogger's Take On Getting Through Halloween

It's every snack food blogger's favorite holiday!

Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate? The GOP's Big Kids Table Part 1

     Part 2 is going to focus on the main stage of the Republican nominees.  I could easily do all the candidates in one blog, but I figured I could drag this out a little bit longer.  Also I can only tag so many people when I put this on Twitter.  We're going to start off with the adult Thanksgiving table, based on what I remember from the CNN debates.

     After I posted about the Democrats, half of them dropped out of the race within a week.  My blog killed Chafee's, Webb's, and Biden's campaigns.  I am literally that powerful.  Why not post about Trump today?

QuikCheck Black and Orange Cookie Is Halloween Colored So You Know It's For Halloween

     This cookie isn't even 'fall flavored' and it's still getting worked into the fall mix.  And here I am falling for their marketing ploy like a chump.  It's literally just a regular cookie with frosting.

New Oreo Review: Cinnamon Bun

     I noticed that lately I've been posting more 'comedy' blogs than typical reviews, so we'll be getting back to basics with this one.  Oreo released a new flavor, and of course yours truly had to sample it.

Wat Snack Is Ur Fave Presidential Candidate?: The Dems

     I'm sure a few of you have figured out by now that I'm a fan of the Jon Stewart family tree of television shows.  What does that have to do with me running a snack blog?  Well, I'm a glutton.  Sue me.  But that doesn't mean I can't work in some political 'humor' into what I write about.

     Naturally I decided to compare each major candidate to a snack.  This is going to be a new running segment to go along with the fall flavor everything.  And yes, I know the election is over a year away, but I can't have everyone Walkering out on me and killing my material.  First up is the Democrats.

Does South Park Think Being An Internet Commenter Is Easy?

"You're Not Yelping"- Watch it HERE

     Last night was a new episode of South Park that hit a little too close to home for me.  No, it wasn't Jewbilee.  The new episode was talking about how everyone and their mother is a food critic these days thanks to Yelp.
     Yelp?  You people think you can just write up a few sentences and grade something on a 5 point scale.  It takes a true warrior to write up a few paragraphs and grade it on a 10 point scale.  I put in blood, sweat, and tears into this blog.  Yes, one time I cut my finger on a jagged plastic case.  I've sweat from walking down New York blocks looking for something to sample.  And I cry because I had 70 cents in my account after 11 months and today it went down to 68 cents for some fucking reason.
     I took a few screenshots of the episode to give you an idea of how it holds up to real life.

Haunted House Kit: Fuck This Thing

     I saw this in the store and took a few days to decide if I wanted it or not.  Seriously what am I going to do with a haunted house cookie kit?  Well my friend invited me over to watch the Patriots backhand the Cowboys and I decided this would be a fun thing to do during some down time.

Little Debbie's Fall Party Cakes Are Even Lazier Than I Am

     I recently picked this box up to sample.  I figured since I have an obligation to review fall snacks, why not?  Well it turns out there's nothing fall about them.

Oreo Needs To Slow It Down With These Shitty Ideas

     I am not buying that special edition flavor Oreo thin garbage.  Regular Oreo thins fucking suck.  Marshmallow Oreos are mediocre.  Mint Oreos are actually pretty good.*  But thinning out any Oreo instantly makes it shitty.  Tell all your friends Oreo thins have to go to the way of the dodo and NSync (sorry white girls).  We will lead the revolution!

Fall Snacks Have Started: Milky Way Caramel Apple

Robert Heinlein Predicted The Future! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

     THE END TIMES ARE UPON US!  REPENT NOW!  (And take a moment to enjoy this phenomenal image)