The invention of wheel. The Beatles performing at Shea Stadium. Tom Brady’s first start as an NFL quarterback. These are all historic events that people will remember for millennia. The release of Hershey’s Gold Peanuts and Pretzels is not one of these. Hershey’s first new product in over 20 years doesn’t live up to the hype. I wanted to love it. I really did. But just like my neighbor with his kid, there’s no love here. Now you may be wondering, “Hey Andrew why couldn’t you take a picture before breaking into a billion pieces?” Well to that I apologize. This was second rate journalism by me. I bought this at QuickChek one drunken night and left it in my jacket pocket. When I got to work Monday I found this bar still in my pocket and smashed, presumably from when I thought I could hop the fence behind Just Jake’s.
Brokenness aside, this candy bar was a bit of a let-down. The main issue is how salty it is. The saltiness of the peanuts and pretzels combine for a lot of saltiness. I enjoy the occasional salty snack but this was too overpowering. The crème wasn’t prevalent enough to my liking. Its flavor wasn’t strong enough to break away, just like Ben Roesthlisberger when he walks by a PF Chang’s. Also, they organized the pieces very oddly and that bothers me more than it should. The peanut flavor was the strongest, and the pretzels pretty much only provided texture. It wasn’t a bad candy bar but I wouldn’t reach for it again. 6/10
Everyone knows Wawa is a magical place. I stopped at a Wawa recently, intending to get a sandwich, but not turning down the opportunity to sample a Wawa cookie and/ or brownie. Well I ate the cookie too quickly to get a picture, and they were fresh out of brownies. Luckily I plan ahead so I also snagged this little German delicacy. This is a pretty straightforward chocolate bar in that someone took a chocolate bar and loaded it with coconut. We can all agree this is a quality combination, not unlike chocolate and peanut, Brady and Belichick, or Jager and Red Bull.
Now then, there was a slight issue with the handling of this chocolate bar. I attended a rugby match and had to leave this in the car, as I needed a snack for the drive back. What I didn’t plan on was the heat. I know this is silly of me since it was in the mid 80s that day, but when your name has “sport” in it I expect you to keep your cool when things heat up. I couldn’t enjoy my chocolate bar after the game because it was essentially pudding. I had to toss it in the fridge when I got home.
Day 2, we can finally open the wrapper without having a thick brown fluid coating my pants. Totally worth the wait. Turns out in addition to Oktoberfest, Germans are pretty good at making chocolate. I put this milk chocolate at one of my top three brands, along with Cadbury and Milka. The coconut was light and fluffy with enough texture to leave me yearning for more. And they even got the ratio down perfectly, I assume thanks to decades of experimentation. Also, that OCD square grid is genius. I can keep saying “I’ll have one more” since they’re small enough to not feel guilty over.
I give this bar a 9/10. Ritter Sport lost one point for not being able to keep together. Otherwise I plan on buying more of these off Amazon.
PS Congrats on your blog's third birthday Andrew! Gee thanks guys! Really appreciate all the well wishes today. It means a lot.
I know I rip on Oreo a lot. Apple Oreos and Thin Oreos are a slap in the face to all hard working snackers. But this Mystery Oreo shit is just that- shit.
I went to a friend’s house for the VA Tech – Clemson game a while back. Naturally we had to order food so after burgers we went to the taco place in Montclair. Daddy completely broke character when someone requested Nutella nachos as a last minute addition to the order, which was good news for me since I get to blog about them. This whole ordeal was treading new ground for me so I’m going to break it down into pros and cons.
And just like that rash, this blog is going to get uncomfortable. Recently I was at the office and felt nature calling. Unfortunately at this same time, the cleaning guy was just setting up shop in the men’s bathroom. I don’t know if you’ve ever been a snack blogger that’s prairie dogging, but this is no bueno. No bueno at all. I decide to use the second floor bathroom. I get there and I’m immediately aware that I have been played like a chump on the third floor. This bathroom has nicer tiling. There’s better lighting. No one misses the seat. Are there downsides here? Yes- the toilet wasn’t automatic, so I had to use my foot on the lever like some sort of commoner. But the biggest shocker here was the sink.
On floor number three, we have the automatic sink that stays on for a predetermined amount of time. Sadly for our environment, this amount of time is about 8 seconds longer than anyone washes their hands for. But on floor number two, they have the manual faucet, as photographed below.
Apparently on this strange new world manual faucets don’t need to work. What a time to be alive! Who’s the dipshit that didn’t look at the sink before putting the soap dispenser in? Two things- 1, go back to 11th grade physics and tell me if two solid objects can occupy the same space at the same time. Breaking news, they can’t. I hope someone had the same answer when you asked if you can have a promotion to chief sink installer. And 2, no one uses soap. Just don’t waste my time with that thing. I only use the sink if there’s someone in the bathroom with me, and even then I probably skip it unless they’re a VP. In conclusion, I think I might give the second floor bathroom a test run to see if I should make it my new home away from home. I shall report back on this in the future.
First off, thank you to everyone who wished my ankle a happy birthday. It really means a lot to us. Also to Dr. Vasquez who put all the ankle Legos back together.
Look at this macaroon. Isn't it the most beautiful macaroon you've ever seen, folks? I'm really enjoying it.
I'm sure many of you are aware that Jews can't have anything leavened on Arbor Day. Passover? Yes, on Passover. Leavened means didn't rise. When the Jews fled Egypt- the Pharaoh treated them so horribly, folks. You wouldn't believe how bad it was, believe me. When the Jews fled Egypt they didn't have time to let the bread rise. So now we have matzo. And macaroons, which are just beautiful.
But, folks, this is one tremendous macaroon. The biggest, most beautiful macaroon. And I went to Costco so I can buy them bigly. Really, just a huge package. It fits perfectly in my huge hands.
Score? Can phenomenal out of 10 be a score? Beautiful. Just like my daughter. I hope she grows tits like her mother. Huge.
So I recently needed to get a new laptop which stopped me from blogging for a few weeks. I'm back now and just in time- there's a new Oreo product on the shelves!
Source-A Wisconsin man has been sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison after pleading no contest last year to cutting off a woman's finger as part of a video-recorded ritual to honor a fellow rap music fan. Jonathan Schrap, 24, was sentenced Friday on one count of second-degree reckless injury. “Where do you go with this? How can this happen? How can this even happen in Green Bay?” Judge John P. Zakowski said at the sentencing. Court documents say Schrap and his friends were staging a "ritualistic memorial" at his house in August to commemorate a deceased member of the Juggalos — the name given to fans of the Detroit rap duo Insane Clown Posse. WBAY-TV reports the woman first allowed Schrap to cut her arm with a machete and drink her blood. She eventually gave permission to Schrap cut off her right pinky finger with a machete, which according to court documents required more than one blow to sever. “Jon then placed the finger in his freezer where he said he would cook it and eat it later,” court documents said. “The group then attempted to stop the bleeding by using a car cigarette lighter which failed. They then used a blowtorch.”
This is a lot to process all at once. First things first: That dude is 24. That's a ROUGH 24. I'd put him at closer to 40 with that hairline/ poor hygiene. 3.5 years in the slammer is gonna put him closer to 50, maybe even 60 in b-hole years.
Now, for those of you not familiar with Juggalos:
(If I fucked up that embed, here's the link to the Juggalo clip of Tosh.0)
So to have a Viking Funeral 'ritualistic memorial' for your fallen clown is not something all that shocking. Why drink blood though? Blood gets a 0/10, unless you're a vampire in which case it gets an automatic 8 bonus points. And how about taking 'more than one blow' with a machete to chop off a pinky? Maybe you hit the fucking gym bro. Pinkies are the 2lb dumbbell of fingers. Or maybe his aim was bad, in which case I can only imagine the mess he leaves around his toilet.
I like how they switched from a cigarette lighter to a blowtorch. Planning ahead like that is what gets you 3.5 years in the slammer instead of only 2.5. "Did we leave the lighter in the car charger long enough? Fuck it, let's get the blowtorch and melt her whole hand."
My favorite part of this story is that Schrap (awful name) put the pinky in the freezer to eat it later. What the hell is that?
He bitched out of eating the finger! The guy just broke out a machete to poorly chop off a pinky, then fail to cauterize the wound, only to say "Ehh I'll finish it later." That's like going to the Harry Potter release parties and dressing up like Ron only to go read a different book instead. This is why Juggalos don't get any respect. Absolutely zero planning skills.
PS- "Where do you go with this?" Uhh you go to jail bro. "How can this happen in Green Bay?" Little known fact about me that I tell everyone I can, I went to Green Bay once and fell in love with a stripper. I know, I know. "She was just using you for your money!" Well nuts to you. She was 5'9" and liked tall guys, plus we had the same major in college. And for the entire 3 minutes of my third lap dance we were just talking and getting to know each other. Don't rain on my parade.
Let me preface this by saying that I took a break from blogging because A) none of you fuckers were reading my blogs anymore and B) I'm actually on a diet. Unfortunately Peeps Oreos just came out so the diet's not going well. Also I haven't actually changed my eating habits. But I digress.
Yesterday went like any other day. I finished up first breakfast and went into the office fridge for second breakfast. I turned around and my eyes were drawn there, as if by magic: candy that was hanging off the edge of the vending machine dispenser. How could I resist such a charm? I put my dollar in and out came 2 Sweet Tarts!
What better way to celebratedrown your sorrows with eat for lunch than with this new offering from Hershey! (According to Google they were released in October but fuck it, I only found them last week.)
Last night Stephen Lynch stopped at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. It was all general admission so chairs were first come, first served. That also meant a line around the goddamn building when I got there 30 minutes before the doors opened. Then we waited another half hour after the doors opened to get inside, so that was fun to do in January.
I bought this from a vending machine because it was huge and cost a dollar. I figure a little value can go a long way in a snack. Not bad, right? It's like 5 times the size of a typical candy bar and only $0.25 more.
I found a box of these on the table in the office cafeteria. Since I'm a nice guy I only took two. I could have easily gone for seven since they're bite size so cheers to myself for being a nice guy.
How was everyone's Hanukkah? Good? I got a Hess Truck. No big deal, just a huge collector's item that I immediately take out of the box and play with. While I was out and about during Hanukkah I picked up this new QuickChek Fluffernutter Brownie.
