Cherry Cola Oreos Taste Like Cherry Cola If By Cherry Cola You Mean Horse Shit

     The title says it all. Sometimes I think Oreo is trolling my brand loyalty. Is it loyalty still? Is it self-loathing? The line is too blurred to tell.

2-For-1 Blog: No One Has Congratulated Me On The Saracens Winning The Premiership Finals and I Saw Mastodon and Primus Live

Blog the First:
     First things first: Saracens are the Premiership champions! Unfortunately I wasn’t able to watch most of the game live as I was doing something with my own team at the time. I had to check the score updates on the Twitter machine and let me tell you about the anxiety I had refreshing it occasionally over the course of 90 or so minutes. Exeter Chiefs, reigning Premiership champs, fell 27-10 to my favorite team.

Hot and Spicy Cinnamon Oreos

     Right off the bat- these are not the kind of cinnamon you find in snickerdoodles or chicken (that one time if I’m cooking and have been drinking). These use the cinnamon in Red Hots. Coincidentally, these use the cinnamon that does not work well with Oreo cookies.

I Went To The Misfits Reunion And Couldn't Get A Picture

     This past weekend the Misfits played their first show with Danzig in New Jersey since 1982.*  Like all true punk bands, they performed at the Prudential Center and had several types of tshirts with the date and location to commemorate the event.

My Birthday Was A Disaster

     As many of you know, yesterday was my birthday.  If you don't know then I'll keep this in mind next time you need someone to help you move.  I ate two cakes.  I also managed to avoid all coworker interaction (you call it antisocial, I call less distractions).

Kiwi Invasion Part 1: Nestle Chokito

     My buddy RJ recently went on his honeymoon (like a month or two ago but I got sidetracked, shut up) and picked me up some southern hemisphere candy.  Spoiler alert- it spun backwards about 4-6 hours after I ate it (that's when I pooped).

Ted Cruz Has Decided It's Been Too Long Since I Blogged About Ted Cruz

The Hill- "The Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson and Republicans are happily the party of Homer, Bart, Maggie and Marge," Cruz said, referring to the other Simpson family members on the long-running cartoon show "The Simpsons."

If My Trainer Friend Can Review Candy, I Can Review His Workouts

     Look at this shit. I’m getting cucked on Facebook. And on Fat Tuesday no less! My number #2 holiday right after Halloween! I can’t even get a heads up about some local candy shop before it gets put on Facebook?  I haven't even gotten to try any candy!

Chocolate Hazelnut Oreos

     Let’s call a spade a spade here and say these are Nutella Oreos. Chocolate hazelnut is Nutella. Xerox, Kleenex, Frisbee. They’re all in the same category of no one caring what the real product name is.

Oreo Subscriptions Are For Nerds and Poors

As pointed out to me by my good friend RJ (congrats on the honeymoon), Oreo and Amazon are teaming up for a monthly delivery service. Let’s break down the basics of it.

* * NeW yEaR nEw Me * *

     For my New Year's Resolution this year I decided not to make a resolution.  Why, you may ask?  Well, I don't need one.

Hershey's Gold Peanuts And Pretzels

     The invention of wheel. The Beatles performing at Shea Stadium. Tom Brady’s first start as an NFL quarterback. These are all historic events that people will remember for millennia. The release of Hershey’s Gold Peanuts and Pretzels is not one of these. Hershey’s first new product in over 20 years doesn’t live up to the hype. I wanted to love it. I really did. But just like my neighbor with his kid, there’s no love here.
     Now you may be wondering, “Hey Andrew why couldn’t you take a picture before breaking into a billion pieces?” Well to that I apologize. This was second rate journalism by me. I bought this at QuickChek one drunken night and left it in my jacket pocket. When I got to work Monday I found this bar still in my pocket and smashed, presumably from when I thought I could hop the fence behind Just Jake’s.

     Brokenness aside, this candy bar was a bit of a let-down. The main issue is how salty it is. The saltiness of the peanuts and pretzels combine for a lot of saltiness. I enjoy the occasional salty snack but this was too overpowering. The crème wasn’t prevalent enough to my liking. Its flavor wasn’t strong enough to break away, just like Ben Roesthlisberger when he walks by a PF Chang’s. Also, they organized the pieces very oddly and that bothers me more than it should. The peanut flavor was the strongest, and the pretzels pretty much only provided texture. It wasn’t a bad candy bar but I wouldn’t reach for it again. 6/10

Late Night Snacking For My Blog's Third Birthday

     Everyone knows Wawa is a magical place. I stopped at a Wawa recently, intending to get a sandwich, but not turning down the opportunity to sample a Wawa cookie and/ or brownie. Well I ate the cookie too quickly to get a picture, and they were fresh out of brownies. Luckily I plan ahead so I also snagged this little German delicacy.
     This is a pretty straightforward chocolate bar in that someone took a chocolate bar and loaded it with coconut. We can all agree this is a quality combination, not unlike chocolate and peanut, Brady and Belichick, or Jager and Red Bull.

     Now then, there was a slight issue with the handling of this chocolate bar. I attended a rugby match and had to leave this in the car, as I needed a snack for the drive back. What I didn’t plan on was the heat. I know this is silly of me since it was in the mid 80s that day, but when your name has “sport” in it I expect you to keep your cool when things heat up. I couldn’t enjoy my chocolate bar after the game because it was essentially pudding. I had to toss it in the fridge when I got home.

     Day 2, we can finally open the wrapper without having a thick brown fluid coating my pants. Totally worth the wait. Turns out in addition to Oktoberfest, Germans are pretty good at making chocolate. I put this milk chocolate at one of my top three brands, along with Cadbury and Milka. The coconut was light and fluffy with enough texture to leave me yearning for more. And they even got the ratio down perfectly, I assume thanks to decades of experimentation. Also, that OCD square grid is genius. I can keep saying “I’ll have one more” since they’re small enough to not feel guilty over.
     I give this bar a 9/10. Ritter Sport lost one point for not being able to keep together. Otherwise I plan on buying more of these off Amazon.

PS Congrats on your blog's third birthday Andrew!  Gee thanks guys!  Really appreciate all the well wishes today.  It means a lot.

The Only Mystery Behind Mystery Oreos Is Who The Fuck Thought They Were Ok To Sell

 

     I know I rip on Oreo a lot. Apple Oreos and Thin Oreos are a slap in the face to all hard working snackers. But this Mystery Oreo shit is just that- shit.

Tacoria Nutella Nachos

     I went to a friend’s house for the VA Tech – Clemson game a while back. Naturally we had to order food so after burgers we went to the taco place in Montclair. Daddy completely broke character when someone requested Nutella nachos as a last minute addition to the order, which was good news for me since I get to blog about them.
     This whole ordeal was treading new ground for me so I’m going to break it down into pros and cons.

What Do I Have In Common With That Rash You Told Your Girlfriend Not To Worry About? We’re Both Back!

     And just like that rash, this blog is going to get uncomfortable.
     Recently I was at the office and felt nature calling. Unfortunately at this same time, the cleaning guy was just setting up shop in the men’s bathroom. I don’t know if you’ve ever been a snack blogger that’s prairie dogging, but this is no bueno. No bueno at all.
     I decide to use the second floor bathroom. I get there and I’m immediately aware that I have been played like a chump on the third floor. This bathroom has nicer tiling. There’s better lighting. No one misses the seat. Are there downsides here? Yes- the toilet wasn’t automatic, so I had to use my foot on the lever like some sort of commoner. But the biggest shocker here was the sink.

     On floor number three, we have the automatic sink that stays on for a predetermined amount of time. Sadly for our environment, this amount of time is about 8 seconds longer than anyone washes their hands for. But on floor number two, they have the manual faucet, as photographed below.

     Apparently on this strange new world manual faucets don’t need to work. What a time to be alive! Who’s the dipshit that didn’t look at the sink before putting the soap dispenser in? Two things- 1, go back to 11th grade physics and tell me if two solid objects can occupy the same space at the same time. Breaking news, they can’t. I hope someone had the same answer when you asked if you can have a promotion to chief sink installer. And 2, no one uses soap. Just don’t waste my time with that thing. I only use the sink if there’s someone in the bathroom with me, and even then I probably skip it unless they’re a VP.
     In conclusion, I think I might give the second floor bathroom a test run to see if I should make it my new home away from home. I shall report back on this in the future.

The Clerk At ShopRite Ruined My Ankle's 4th Birthday

     First off, thank you to everyone who wished my ankle a happy birthday.  It really means a lot to us.  Also to Dr. Vasquez who put all the ankle Legos back together.

Did You Miss Me?

     After a nearly month-long hiatus, I'm back and ready to celebrate my birthday 2 days late.  Click play on the music and let's go!

The Most Beautiful Macaroon You've Ever Seen

     Look at this macaroon.  Isn't it the most beautiful macaroon you've ever seen, folks?  I'm really enjoying it.

     I'm sure many of you are aware that Jews can't have anything leavened on Arbor Day.  Passover?  Yes, on Passover.  Leavened means didn't rise.  When the Jews fled Egypt- the Pharaoh treated them so horribly, folks.  You wouldn't believe how bad it was, believe me.  When the Jews fled Egypt they didn't have time to let the bread rise.  So now we have matzo.  And macaroons, which are just beautiful.

     But, folks, this is one tremendous macaroon.  The biggest, most beautiful macaroon.  And I went to Costco so I can buy them bigly.  Really, just a huge package.  It fits perfectly in my huge hands.

     Score?  Can phenomenal out of 10 be a score?  Beautiful.  Just like my daughter.  I hope she grows tits like her mother.  Huge.

My Laptop Went The Way Of RG3's Career But I'm Back With A New Oreo Blog!

     So I recently needed to get a new laptop which stopped me from blogging for a few weeks.  I'm back now and just in time- there's a new Oreo product on the shelves!