Happy First Day Of Hanukkah!

     As I'm sure everyone knows, today is the first day of Hanukkah.  חנוכה. The festival of lights.  Here's a fun fact about Hanukkah: there actually was a war on it.  Typical Christmas, always ripping Hanukkah.

Happy Birthday Ted Cruz!

     Unbeknownst to me, today is Ted Cruz's birthday.  I had nothing prepared.  I can't research and write a blog at work so this is coming in a bit late.

Holiday Mint M&Ms Are Totally Different From Peppermint M&Ms

     Totally different.  Peppermint are red and white.  These have green too.  Only a stupid would confuse the two.  Or a blind person.  Or anyone who is eating them with abandon and not paying attention.

Q: Does Seeing Neil DeGrasse Tyson Speak Make Me The Smartest Snack Blogger Ever?

     A: No, but I am anyway.

Morrison's Pastries Chocolate Chip Yogurt Muffin - What The Hell Is A Yogurt Muffin?

     Every Friday my office brings in bagels and muffins for everyone.  Normally I take a bagel and go on my merry way.  There's not very many muffins so I figured I'll give them to someone else.  Well I'm sick of being the nice guy.  Too long have I watched the civilians feast while the entertainers go hungry.  Only half a muffin though, they're pretty big and I'm not that selfish.

Today In Ted Cruz Can Sit On A Fist: Some Psycho Rant About Queso

     What the fuck did I just hear?  Queso speaks to the soul?  I run a blog about Oreos and this is weird even for me.

Chips Ahoy Hot Cocoa ***Do Not Drink***

     It wouldn't be a new season without someone trying to convince you that one pile of trash snack tastes like another pile if trash snack.  Today we're going to look at Chios Ahoy Hot Cocoa!  Limited edition!

Peppermint M&Ms

     Thanksgiving is over which means it's time for Christmas songs 24/7 until you puke!  Also, Christmas snacks until you puke!

Wendy's Is Giving Out Frostys All Of 2017

     Time Magazine- If you buy a key tag from Wendy’s for $2, you will receive a free Junior Frosty Treat with every Wendy’s purchase you make during 2017, as long as you show your tag. Every 90 cents on the dollar will be donated to the Dave Thomas Foundation, the not-for-profit created by the chain’s founder which helps find permanent home for children in foster care.

Healthy Hebrew Hammer: Dymatize Birthday Cake Protein Powder

     You may notice that this is in a single packet.  Could I have possibly gotten a sponsor?

Thanksgiving Dessert From The Office: Unnecessary Pie Cutting And I Hate Strawberries

     Unlike in past years when a certain unnamed company prevented this then-temp worker from attending the Christmas party, yours truly enjoyed a feast of a holiday luncheon at the office.

Oreo Big Crunch Bar: CLICK HERE

     The Oreo Big Crunch Bar is on shelves and I found it!  After years of taking my money and producing shittily flavored cookies, Oreo teamed up with Milka and produced an actual candy bar.

Ruger's Wafers Claim To Be A Reward

     What contest from hell did I win to get this reward?  Oh boy a wafer!  No one has ever chosen a wafer as their snack of choice.  No one.  Not even serial killers.

Hershey's Caramel-Apple Filled Milk Chocolates Were Lucky They Were On Sale

     Recently I made a trip down to the local CVS.  Since Halloween season just ended all the Halloween candy was half off.  Well now my 5 minute trip turned into 20 minutes and a lot of candy bags.

QuickChek Pumpkin Cheesecake Muffin

     Fall ain't over yet folks!  You bet your ass pumpkin products are still on shelves.  And by still on shelves I mean I'm publishing this a solid month after initially reviewing this muffin.

I Got A Request To Tell The Story About When I Got 3 Replacement Credit Cards

     My buddy Dan texted me that was enjoying a laugh with his coworkers at/ with me.  Something about my misfortunes.  Well anyone he said I should write a blog about the bad things that happen to me in everyday life besides eating shitty candy.  Here's the story about when I got 3 replacement credit cards.

KitKat Mints Are FINALLY On Shelves!

     Well what do we have here!  KitKat is finally branching out into things besides bigger KitKats and smaller KitKats.  I've been waiting on this since I started the blog!  (Not really, I never though about KitKats once)

Covered Bridge Maple Shortbread Cookies

     My parents recently went on a trip to Vermont and picked me up a variety of snacks.  One of those snacks was this unassuming box of maple shortbread cookies.  Well don't let the looks fool you, these cookies are quite the hidden treasure.

It's Halloween!

(I know I used this comic last year.  It's still fucking hilarious.)

     It's Halloween!  And that means last night was Mischief Night.  It rained where I live so unfortunately there were no kids to scare.  Two years ago I caught some little shit rubbing Vaseline on my car so I chased him down and yelled at him until he messed his pants.  Talk about a natural high.  And because of that bad weather this year there wasn't anything.

Guess Who Built Up A Wordpress Site And Then Got Dick Slapped In The Face?

     Yeah, that would be me.  I am not fucking happy.  I started up a Wordpress site because I thought I could make ad money based on views and not clicks, the way that Blogger does it.  So I bought a domain for $12/year which isn't bad.  But then I learned that in order to advertise on Wordpress, you have to use Wordpress premium which is $99/year in addition to owning your own domain.  So that's fucking fantastic.
     I even posted my first blog last night just so you can see it was ready to go.
https://hebrewhammerthinks.wordpress.com/
So now I'm pretty much in advertising limbo.  In 2 goddamn years on Blogger I've made $5.60.  They don't send you checks for less than $100.  And I can't advertise on Wordpress without spending $111/year, which is more than I spend on the candy I'm writing about.  Either way I can't even balance the checkbook on running this thing.  Don't be surprised when I increase the number of non-review blogs.
     Notice the two features I added on Wordpress- Contact and Master List.  I have no idea how to add those to Blogger.  Blogger sucks.  It's easy for writing a blog post but every other feature is just awful.  I don't know how to link posts to social media accounts.  I can't figure out how to link social media accounts on the blog at all.  I don't know how to put up Contact info or my Master List page.  People tell me they can't see pictures I put up.  Sometimes pictures randomly delete themselves.  Advertising is a big bust.  Fuck this website.  Also check the website in two days for my Halloween blog.
     Although on the bright side my blog now has it's own official doman, hebrewhammerthinks.com.  So I got that going for me.

PS- I made a Facebook page for this too.  So I guess you can check that out and keep laughing at my monumental misfortune.

UPDATE- I rage-blogged throughout the night and figured out how to add a Master List, social media, and Contact.  Unfortunately Contact just leads you to the Contact page on Wordpress.  Goddammit.

I Got A Free Brownie And Made 50¢ Last Week So Yeah, The Blog's Doing Well

     What kinda perks do you guys get from work?  Healthcare and a pension fund?  Yeah that's cool.  But you know what's cooler than cool?  Free brownies!

Cadbury Fingers Are Made From Chocolate And Not People

     I know what you're thinking.  Andrew, fingers are human body parts!  Well have no fear!  These are made from chocolate.  No people were maimed (intentionally) in the snack manufacturing process.

ShopRite Black And White Cookies Are White The Same Way Donald Trump Is

     Get it?  Because they're orange!

First Snack After My First Loss: Milky Way Simply Caramel

     It's tough to get back into blogging after suffering defeat at the hands of an ice cream.  I decided to start off with some easy, and a comfort food: Milky Way Simply Caramel.

My Nightmare Has Come True: I Have Lost To A Snack

     I always feared this day would come.  This must be how Joe Montana felt when Steve Young came in.  To look on helplessly as your career slips away.  That or I just ate myself into a food coma.

Hershey's Candy Corn Bar

     I know what you're thinking.  Candy corn?  In a bar?  I was taken aback too.  I didn't know candy corn creme was a thing.  What a time to be alive.

Entenmann's Apple Cider Donuts- I'm #Done

     Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, that's my own goddamn fault for being tricked into buying a 2 for 1 price deal at Shop Rite.  No one plays the Hebrew Hammer for a fool!  No one, you hear me!

Sap! Maple Soda

     I don't know if you guys are in on the maple scene but it's some pretty top notch stuff.  It's like craft beers but for people without douchey mustaches and a studio apartment in a gentrified neighborhood.

7-11 Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Made With Reese's Peanut Butter Cups & Milk Chocolate Chips That Was Sitting In A Truck For A Week

(Nice picture asshole. Learn how to use the focus)

     Thanks to my buddy Dan for contributing to the blog and hooking me up with this cookie.  I bailed on practice early to watch the Patriots game/ not re-break my nose during live tackling so I didn't get to pick this cookie up at the end of the night.  Dan selflessly resisted temptation and didn't eat the cookie just for the sake of the blog.

Entenmann's Pumpkin Donuts

     The fall season continues!  Now we have Entennman's donuts hopping on the bandwagon.  Pumpkin donuts.  What a time to be alive.

Great American Cookies Part 3: Chewy Chocolate Supreme

     I forgot about this one for a while but here go wrapping up the Great American Cookies I picked up a few weeks ago.  This one was almost overwhelming.  They certainly didn't exaggerate when they called it 'supreme.'

Video Response To Donald Trump Jr's Comments On Skittles And Syrian Refugees

(Low volume- very bad input volume on my mic)

For the record I shot this 2 days ago but the video file got corrupted so I had to go out and buy another box of Skittles.  Show out to CyberLink for being a garbage program.

Happy First Day Of Fall To All The White Girls Out There- Pumpkin Spice Oreo Content

     Let's be honest with this whole pumpkin craze- 90% of it is garbage.  Yes Pumking and pumpkin pie are delicious.  I'm not a latte guy so maybe Starbucks is decent.  But people only buy all this pumpkin stuff because it means you get to wear flannel and Uggs.

Even A Broken Nose Won't Stop Me From Blogging

     Injury report: I've been listed a questionable today for the blog today with a broken nose.  Oh wait, there's no injury report for blogging?  I have to keep going?  I'll have to just grind this one out then.

Great American Cookies Reese's Peanut Butter Brownie

     I was skeptical buying this.  Great American Cookies?  Selling brownies?  Something's fishy here and I'm getting to the bottom of it.

Tastemade Is Back With The 7 Best Discontinued Reese's Products

     If Tastemade is going to keep giving me material like this then I'm going to keep milking it.  Our new Snapchat Story is 7 Reese's Products That Need To Come Back.  Let's take a look, shall we?

EMERGENCY BLOG: What In The Devil's Dick Happened To The Creme In Oreos?

     What the fuck is that?  Where is the rest of my goddamn Oreo?  I've been complaining for MONTHS now that Oreo is cutting back on their limited edition cookies with a 2/3 size package and now they're cutting back on regular ones too.

Great American Cookies Double Doozie

     I recently wrote a blog about a Mrs. Fields prepackaged cookie.  It was good but not freshly baked.  I drove past Willowbrook Mall in Wayne and decided to stop in since I know there is a cookie place inside.

Sweet Claude's Milky Way Shake

     Sweet Claude's is an ice cream parlor not too far from my alma mater, Quinnipiac.  They're based in what looks like an old house that was converted into a business.  It's a nice atmosphere for when you stuff your face with ice cream.

8 Totally Crazy Facts About Twix That Are Supposed To Shock and Amaze You!

Note: This blog is a lot of pictures and stream of consciousnesses.  (Also sorry if the pictures come out a bit wonky, for some reason Google+ didn't want to upload them properly.)

Dunkin Donuts Reese's Peanut Butter Square

     I'm not the biggest Dunkin Donuts guy.  I'll stop in every now and then, maybe once a month if that.  I saw a limited edition sign on the wall and knew I had to try it.

ShopRite Mini Cakes

     I'm a big fan of ShopRite's bakery.  They put out some solid products at reasonable prices.  If you're willing to make a trip to the store you can find high quality baked goods for not much more money than a candy bar.

Blogging Finally Paid Off For My Candy

     This past weekend was our first preseason game.  Obviously everyone is psyched.  Apparently nowadays getting psyched means walking up to the resident snack blogger and giving him your spare change.  Am I upset?  No, not upset.  Confused, yes.  But we're overlooking the most important part: after almost two years of blogging, the results are finally rolling in!

I Examine The Implications Of The Dream Team 24 Years Later

     The Dream Team.  If you're a 30ish red blooded American you grew up with them.  They steam rolled the entire world at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona and inspired the bad guys in the Warner Bros' classic hit Space Jam.  That was 24 years ago.

(This was the only picture I could find of the men's team together. What the fuck?)

Mrs. Fields White Chunk Macadamia

     This blog isn't so much to tell you about the cookie as it is to release my anger as to the two Mrs. Fields locations I frequented the most closing down.

Gluten Free Brownies Are Also Moisture Free

     I bought a David's Brownie during a recent snack expedition.  Yes I'm aware it's gluten free.  If I may quote JFK:
"We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."
What do you think he meant when he said "other things"?  He meant eating gluten free snacks.

Montclair Rugby's 40th Anniversary Celebration

     Montclair RFC is turning 40 this year so we held a party.  What would a party be without dessert afterwards?  Disappointing, that's what it'd be.

     See that?  It's called patriotism.  The Olympics are on and I'm supporting this country I love.

Black Rooster Maple Products

(photo via blackroostermaple.com)

     During my recent trip to Lake Placid we passed a little road side cabin with a "Handmade Maple Syrup" sign.  And I want it on record that for once, buying a sugary product wasn't initially my idea.

New Chips Ahoy Red Velvet Cake

     Let's get this out of the way first: I'm not entirely sure what red velvet tastes like.  That's a fancy people snack and as a man of the people I have not had it in quite some time.

My Review Of The Much Hyped Reese's Cup With Reese's Pieces READ HERE

     There has been a lot of discussion about Reese's new product, the Reese's Cup with Reese's Pieces in it.  I was skeptical at first.  Honestly it sounds a bit like the turturkeykey.

Chocolate Chip Cookie I Found At A Burger King At A Rest Stop

     I'm not a big Burger King guy so I don't know if they all carry this one.  But I found this one at a rest stop in Montvale, NJ over the weekend.  First off, very limited selection of food choices there.  Fortunately for them this isn't a rest stop blog so they won't get reviewed for that.